Cherry Pink And Apple Blossom White

I've moved.

2009-07-27T00:16:00.001+08:00

http://fieldflowers.wordpress.com

Sydney - Hillsong Conference's DA BOMB.

2009-07-13T14:45:00.012+08:00

It's a spiritual buffet!!!! I'm about to burst. :)

The opening ceremony gets better every year.

This is just the start before other things started happening in the opening ceremony. But no cameras allowed. So this was all we could get.

Here're some snapshots. All the rest is in facebook.

Evelyn, Rudy and Rochelle. Very graciously hosting and feeding us. THANK YOU!!!

There were so many cute cupcake shops.
Dexin and I just couldn't resist trying 'em.

The chilli hotdog and the tiger pies from Harry's On Wheels.
I LOVE THIS PICTURE. :)

That thing is a hamster.
IN THE WILD.

And yes, Audrey, hamsters in the wild have metallic running wheels.

1 more night.

2009-07-03T01:27:00.002+08:00

Man, it's just a couple of weeks, but I'm already missing being in my study-room. I just hope my grandma will be fine while I'm away.

It's already been a year since the last trip to Australia. So many things have changed. Sigh.

Bored to tears.

2009-06-29T20:51:00.001+08:00

Literally.

I asked God for a swimming pool.

2009-06-26T17:55:00.004+08:00

In my future dream house's backyard, or something like that. Sure, it sounds rather far-fetched. But He did say I'll get it if I worked hard enough. HAHA.

But anyway, it feels so much nicer to be able to just swim every afternoon and laze around in my own backyard's pool. As compared to the sick feeling in the stomach I get earlier after some laps, and having to take a bus to and fro. And the whole thing about sharing the pool. I feel rather competitive, even though I'm not that a good swimmer now. It's idiotic having to share a lane with this fat ang moh who splashes around like a big fat duck; he's supposedly doing free-style. He's still pretty fast, despite the huge waves of splash.

The walk home was slightly less painful, thanks to my ipod. But because I couldn't wait for my wet suit to dry off, I walked home in a wet shirt and wet fbt shorts. I know, gross right. But that was how much I wanted to get home and sit down and slack off.

I hope my ipod never dies. :)

One week more.

2009-06-24T16:17:00.003+08:00

It's a whole mixture of feelings. Like, 60% excitement, 10% anxiety and 30% emo. I will miss many many people. And the food.

I know it's only a month, or less, if I don't get quarantined.

But I'll miss meeting up with Liting and Steph; their charisma and humour never fail to crack me up. Smelt. The CG; I'm gonna be missing saturday lessons and sunday lunches. Grace and the boys. Although we don't meet very often, thinking about them makes me smile sometimes. We've known one another for about 4-5 years now. It's amazing to see how much they've grown. Haha.

It's true that as you get older, your circle of close friends gradually minimise. I'm happy with my circle of close friends. It would be really heartbreaking when I've to leave Singapore to live somewhere else.

This whole holiday, I've been daydreaming quite a bit. Not sure if they're visions or just thought bubbles. I occasionally think about leaving the country to a bible college somewhere else. Learn outside the Methodist context. I may change my mind about this matter later on, but I honestly don't see myself working in a CBD office. It's so bland. And meaningless. Unless I'm working there with another purpose in mind. Hmmm.

Emotionally turmoilistic day.

2009-06-22T02:57:00.002+08:00

Whatever it is. 2 more weeks. And I'm out of here.

I'm just really relieved that worship-leading didn't end up nightmare-ish. It was slightly fun. But I felt pretty awkward when I saw my dad walk into the auditorium from the back door. I don't like the feeling of being watched.

Man, the weather is a killer.

Freakish dream.

2009-06-17T20:22:00.003+08:00

Maybe it's because I slept till 3 pm this afternoon. Haha. But I had this massive headache for the whole morning. I could literally hear my heart and brain throbbing away whenever there was silence.

Anyway. The dream. It was a combination of dreams and nightmares. About things I should never attempt to do in real life. I can't remember all the things that happened in the dream, but the 2 things which I can vividly remember are enough to freak me out. The first was kissing a guy whom I should never kiss again, and the other was shouting at some unknown band consisting of 3 keyboardists and a worship leader (all don't exist in real life) on-stage, in church, in front of the congregation.

After that, the dream was all nice and happy, but I can't remember the rest. It's the freaking stuff which I can remember.

As much as I want to start writing songs again, I think I got to be more well-versed in the Bible knowledge. Or least know where Corinthians is placed rather than depending on the contents page. That's my downfall. And the reason why the past songs I wrote will never be used. That's the impression I'm getting.

During the past 2 weeks, due to boredom, I started to reflect on the things I did, both good and bad. And I realised the songs which I wrote, are just looked upon for a moment and passed on. There's nothing much I can do about the songs, other than fish for comments. I'm not like Amy; I can't push the songs up the stage. Not like Eugene either; he gets requests to write songs for occasions and stuff. And it kinda frustrates me. I know the difference between songs one should keep for himself, and songs which can actually be used on-stage. And although I feel a few of my songs can be used in church, I'm not really getting the support which I need to push the songs up. I don't want to do it forcefully. All I need is a "Yes, let's do this song." Unfortunately, I'm not getting that at all.

Of course I understand that it takes years to hone the skills and to allow certain songs to be sung in a church setting. I guess my songs aren't meant to be used in church. At least Wayne and I can use the songs for our own worship and just-for-fun-improvisation.

Don't get me wrong; I'm still trying to write with the help of the Bible. But by the looks of it, I think I'll keep the rest for myself for now. It feels slightly demoralising when you don't have constructive criticism or any follow-up. And when you don't get that for a long period of time, you just stop doing it, because you're tired of it.

All nice and rainbowy for now.

2009-06-17T01:38:00.002+08:00

She's not freaking out anymore. The Dad seems more supportive of me going; I just need to go get the jab and sleep regularly from now on. Clement says the situation ain't that bad. So yup. I trust God's plans. So I'll go. :) YAY.

I'm just praying that the situation will improve, so I don't need to be quarantined. Being quarantined may be fun in some aspects, but I really really want to play for this gig. And if I get quarantined, I'm bust. No gig, no ka-ching.

Anyway, I was with Elena on Monday to visit 2 old ladies and attend a wake. A pretty depressing day, but I didn't really get affected emotionally. As in, I felt sad, but I was more into the motivated-to-do-something-about-it mood. Maybe because Elena's around me the whole time. She's like a happy bee.

Find it weird how my left hand's been getting numb for long periods of time. Like, in the past, the numbness usually went away after a while. But for the past few days, the numbness stays on for an hour or more. I hope it's nothing more than just lack of hand exercise. Time to do scales and chromatics.

AHHH! Panadol. I need panadol for my holiday trip. *I'm coming up with a list of what to pack.*
Shikes man. Holiday prep is really troublesome and expensive.

"I never stopped you from going to Australia."

2009-06-14T23:19:00.003+08:00

YEAH RIGHT. She's still the same old woman. I couldn't believe my ears when she said that. C'mon, you created this whole saga earlier on this year. So don't come saying this stuff. It's really annoying.

Anyway. News update. My mom (YET AGAIN) is banning me from entering Melbourne. GAH. It's the same old story again.

"People say this... People say that." (Probably all the opinions were created by her mind, with just 1 person telling her some teeny weeny thing.)

"I know you trust God. But sometimes got to trust your common sense." (Kinda contradictory in itself.)

"What if you return and get quarantined and you pass the H1N1 to us?!" (The reaction after I explained that I'll get quarantined in the Costa Sands chalet. Very supportive. Haha.)

Honestly, I am worried about this whole H1N1 thing. But her ridiculous and somewhat selfish arguments make me want to enter Melbourne even more. I just want to show her that I can enter and leave healthily, with God's help.

Sigh. It's exhausting trying to knock some sense into her. It's just a holiday trip. Cut me some slack. Please. I'm seriously, honestly, extremely tired of this crap.

Today is a sucky day.

2009-06-13T23:14:00.016+08:00

I don't want to sound childish and blah-blah-blah.
But today is a really sucky day.

And yes, I thank God still. Because now I will not take a good or even moderate day for granted.

The movie He's Just Not That Into You made me feel very depressed about life. We're so screwed. Today's women think WAY too much. The men, are just JERKS, except the gays and <1% of the straight guys. It's so disturbing. I don't think I want to watch that movie ever again. It's the first movie that makes me so depressed and insecure and shitty at the same time. It was initially funny, but it doesn't make up for the screwed-upness of the society.

Woe to those who created this movie.

How well do you know Diana?

2009-06-12T00:04:00.003+08:00

I created that test out of curiosity. And boredom.

Actually, I wasn't expecting anyone to score well. In reality, other than your closest companion/s whom you hang out with 24/7, the rest of the people in your life probably know only about 1/3, at most 2/3 of your life. It's this habit (not sure if you call this a habit) of telling different people different aspects of your life. You hardly get the time/patience to tell one person EVERYTHING.

Seeing the results Audrey and Ruperto got kinda made me laugh, in a bittersweet way. I don't blame them, of course. Why would I bother sharing such superficial information, like the name of my toy-duck? Probably only a handful know the actual name; they include the person who gave me the duck, and myself. Wayne probably forgot about it too. HAHA.

Anyway, I think I'm rambling in a slightly emo mood because of the song I'm listening to. Brook Fraser always gets the extreme emo out of me.

Soon. I can't imagine what it'll be like though. Meeting Him face to face. Getting the end-results of THE examination that matters the most. SHIKES.

On a lighter note!
I'm 3 weeks away from the holiday trip. OMG. This is even more exciting than last year!!!

But if the H1N1 situation doesn't improve, I'll be quarantined in a costa sands chalet for a week after returning. HAHA. It'll be quite odd and extremely awkward living with other strangers who may actually contain the H1N1 virus. Please pray that the H1N1 thingy doesn't worsen. I hate being contained. Although the idea of being stuck in a chalet with a couple of other people seems experimentally interesting. Like a reality-show. :)

The success test

2009-06-11T02:47:00.003+08:00

Oswald Chambers wrote that the most exacting test of all to survive is prosperity.

I've always thought adversity was the worst situation any human being survives from.

"For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. "
Romans 12:3

Rulin sent an email and asked if I can help out in the Youth Camp as an asst. camp comm. It felt pretty exciting actually. Like. WOW. I can help out. I wanna help out!!!

Then I started thinking about my grades. Worked harder the last 2 semesters to improve my CAP. And THEN I thought about how extra commitments may jeopardise my efforts to maintain/improve my CAP this coming semester. There, for a moment, I thought my better-improved grades were from my human efforts.

Forgive me, God. I know it's a miracle from You. How else would a lousy-at-maths girl like me score well in measurements, especially when I thought I was going to flunk it. I really really hope You'll bless me again this semester. A rather childish/selfish prayer. But yeah.

Right now, I'm in this phase, "Am I listening to God right? Or is it just my stupid brain thinking stupid thoughts?"
Sigh. I used to be able to differentiate. Now it's just a big fat mess.

I think it's time to level up. See Audrey, now magikarp gotta try leveling up. And magikarps take freakin' long to level up because of their useless moves. BLARGH. WHY GIVE ME MAGIKARP. Stupid magiKRAP. At least title me some other pokemon which actually levels up by having some useful moves. My fish jump move is like. SUPER DUPER EXTREMELY useless.

Okay, think I digressed too much. Will stop blabbing.

Hammies in the wild.

2009-06-10T14:48:00.002+08:00

One of the many things hamsters in the wild do.
Actually. I'm not even sure if they're hamsters. I just think they look like hamsters.
ANYWAY.

Wayne and I are contemplating getting a pair of hammies. After the hol trip. Which is also the time when the 2 irritating cousins who indirectly killed Muffin start school again. They won't be around this time to indirectly murder the two new ones.

I miss Muffin though. SIGH. Stewpid cousins.
And I miss my stupid dugong.

I WANT TO GO TO KOREA.

2009-06-02T02:13:00.003+08:00

Was just looking through some pictures my ex-classmate took when she was on a holiday in Korea. I am utterly jealous. Hopefully I can go there next year, or after my graduation. Awesome weather. And complicated language.

We thought we should learn basic Hangul. So we can be like our parents. Wayne's parents use German to 'bitch' about him in front of him. Mine use Bahasa to do the same. So. We'll speak Hangul. Which only Wayne's mom understands slightly. MUAHAHAHAHAHA. Nice.

As I've told many, I feel extremely unproductive. But I get jitters thinking about interning in a church. I like the idea of it, honestly. But when I'm approached to talk about the topic, I feel hesitant.

Thank you God!!!!

2009-05-29T13:34:00.001+08:00

Yay. My results were way better than I expected. :):):)

Miracle, definitely. Haha.

Nothingness.

2009-05-26T03:34:00.002+08:00

I think God has put me in this state of unproductivity for a reason.

Haha. And I actually thought He said no to the special term because I was supposed to do something more exciting. It went the opposite way. As usual.

Not that I'm complaining. :)
It's been awhile since I've gotten a break like this. Absolutely nothing to do. Other than church activities and planning.

TIME TO EXERCISE! RAWR.
(Been eating too much. Heh.)

Isaiah 48:17

2009-04-23T03:51:00.002+08:00

It's really AWESOME to see how God presents things in life.

I just had a huge mental anxiety fit about not doing enough for revision and not being able to do well. Justifiable, since I've been watching quite a bit of TV. And waking up really late everyday. Tried to pray to calm myself down, but I think some evil thingy tried to put me down.

But anyway. Got myself to pray seriously, with head bowed down and sitting in a respectful way. It really does put you into the right state of mind. To be humble before Him, as a child.

I know it may sound all-too-spiritual. But it's amazing how things worked out.
I prayed, and I asked for:
A sign
More faith
People to be able to see Him through me (like, me, a silly blah, and I could still get pretty decent grades. Honestly, I got really pretty decent grades this semester. For tests and all.)

Less than a minute later, I read this email (from Prime Time With God). And it talked about faith. About how God uses the weak to shame the strong. About how we should take leaps of faith and trust that whatever He tells us to do is for the best. And the Isaiah 48:17 verse.

WOW.
I think I sound crazy. But it's honestly a faith booster. You, the reader, may not even understand what the heck I'm talking about. I just pray and hope that really soon, you'll experience something so magnificent that you'll actually know what it feels like.

Then you'll know that my God is real.

WOOOO!

2009-04-14T17:35:00.004+08:00

Another thing that got me excited about the trip!

The service apartments peeps replied. WOOOOO.
I'm pumped! Ready to pack up and GO!

Then again. Looking at the construction technology textbook beside me.
SIGH.

FOCUS DIANA. FOCUS.

Thank You for being You.

2009-04-12T20:07:00.002+08:00

Simple yet powerful.
Sigh.
God is wonderful. :)

Today at youth service, I found myself behaving differently on-stage. I would NEVER act the way I did with 80 people looking at me. Gosh. Totally God's work man. And I started blabbering some blabberish at the end. Speaking in tongues. At a rapid speed. Wasn't even sure what I said. But hey, if God was around, that's the most important thing. :)

My arm's skin problem is returning to haunt me yet again. But heck. Not going to let it affect me this time.

As much as I look forward to the holidays and all, I really hope I do well for the semester. The semester started out great, got a lil slip-up when I fell sick, then the momentum got going again. And I'm doing pretty well I think. Just really hoping and praying that I'll work harder these 2 weeks before the exams.

I've already come up with a list of to-dos for the holidays. Haha!

Hopefully get the research project job and/or internship for some refurbishment green project and earn more ka-ching for my holidays to Australia and possibly to Bintan.
Play more squash. Exercise more, to be general.
Plan a CG retreat. :):):):):):) Excites.
Get more sleep.
Have salmon sashimi party with the peeps from TWW. It's been ages since I've seen them.
Write a song or two. And start reading the Songs of God book.

Exciting summer ahead. :):):) WOOHOO!

I'm back!

2009-04-08T23:03:00.002+08:00

Not that I went anywhere.
But life's been rather hectic. And tiring. But exciting. :) Haha.

Anyway, the CSmusic guys have posted the music videos of the showcase on youtube and the csmucic website. Go check it out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOAHKgSNiwI

School's crazy and stressful and tiring. I can't wait for the summer holidays to start. Which is in about 3-4 weeks I think. Awesome.

Many many many many many many things happened over the past couple of weeks.
Loads of good stuff. A pretty load of bad stuff too. But heck. I can see God's protection and guidance. He assured me that I'll do okay this semester. Now I just got to put my focus and discipline on revision. After all the stupid deadlines are over. Haha.

Pray. Fast. Ask. Praise.

2009-03-17T17:29:00.001+08:00

He said no.
I cannot take on a module during Special sem part I.

I wonder if there's something more important for me to do.
Hopefully I'm listening right.
Leap of faith.

Awesome worship!

2009-03-15T22:50:00.002+08:00

At youth service. Not because we had 2 electric guitarists. But yeah, it felt different. I'm SO happy Janice said that. Yay.

Not that I doubted what God said to me. It's just this unbelief in myself. And the fact that I don't really like loud music in the past. Now I've a whole band blasting at me. And I have to sing. And show hand-signals. And truly worship. Honestly, it's difficult.

BUT. That's where God's strength comes in. When He's around, things definitely get different and exhilarating. Awesome experience. :)

America's Next Top Model Cycle 12's out! Woohoo. AND. There's a christian preacher girl as one of the contestants. Who hopes to send Jesus' love to the modelling world. How cool is that. :):):) And she's pretty.

Week 9 in school coming up!

Week 8.

2009-03-09T00:36:00.003+08:00

Nooooooo. It's already week 8!
Oh noooooooooooo...

A new week commences. After a long saturated weekend of God-ness.
And I'm quite excited about this coming Sunday. New band set-up.
Okay, maybe not NEW new. But for the first time, no keyboardist. Full-on electric guitar stuff. :)

I think the new song I did sounds cheesy. Blah.

Ooooh noooo.

2009-03-07T01:48:00.002+08:00

OMG.

I think I got my hair cut wrongly. Maybe that's why I look like a mushroom head AGAIN.
I gotta get a fringe! AH.

But whatever it is, the hairwash was good. :) Super relaxing, especially after a stressful time at school.

Okay, note to self. Get a fringe next time. A sloping fringe.

ANYWAY. I'm kinda getting the school momentum again. Which is a terrifically good thing. So yup, can't wait to finish this sem. And probably do a module during special term 1. And get a job to earn my moola to spend in Australia.

Some good things that have happened this week.
1.
Tickets to/from Sydney are booked, just need the promotion prices to be released in April, so we can pay up.
2.
We're probably taking A380 to/from Sydney. So cool!
3.
My haemoglobin count is on the borderline now, which is awesome. Which means, I don't need to take any more medication. Have been taking so much of them the last 2 months, I'm sick of seeing them.

Yay. Thank You God.

Trust.

2009-03-03T14:37:00.002+08:00

Trusting that God has a plan and time for everything.
It's quite a hard thing to do, I shamefully admit.
I always say it to myself. And I've always believed that I had faith.
But today, I've put myself in this mega test of faith, patience, tolerance and self-control.

I will pass this test. Because He'll give me a super duper solution. I don't know what it is. But yeah. That's called faith I think.

Was talking to Wayne the other night, and I realised that I can't like, quote Bible verses off-hand like some zai people. Haha. I always fail in the read-Bible-regularly-and-remember-important-verses department. Heh.

Time to put my flowery-designed Bible to good use. Every morning in the train.

For now, I've only this.
"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."
John 3:16.
I would slap myself if I don't even remember that verse.
Fortunately I do.

Okay, back to lunch. And work. :)

HTC Dream.

2009-03-03T04:31:00.005+08:00

My dream phone.

Ever since Wayne got his HTC 3G.
It's thick. But I still think it's super cool.

And my Samsung died-ed on me two weeks ago. AND I'm using Wayne's aunt's spare phone. AND I dropped it once. Like, flat on the ground. Fortunately the screen didn't get scratched (THANK YOU GOD). But I think the sides are abit dented. OH NOOOOOO.

I'm so stressed. The last thing I need right now, is buying a new phone for the aunt because I damaged her spare phone.

I need MY own phone. NOW. Or really soon.
It really feels horrid having to worry about the phone's welfare because it's someone else's. And the stress adds on when the owner of that phone is your boyfriend's relative.

The Judas Test

2009-03-02T01:37:00.003+08:00

Another cool devotional entry from the cool Prime Time With God. I love the title. Like, PRIME TIME NEWS. Red alert red alert.
Alright. Straying off. Getting back to the main point.

"If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God" (Ps. 55:12-14).

Betrayal is one of the most difficult tests that we will ever face because it involves being wounded by someone we trust. It's hard not to become bitter when a friend or family member wounds us. It takes a lot of Christ-like grace to forgive a traitor.

You have probably faced the Judas Test yourself. Everyday you and I work in a marketplace that is rife with betrayal, deception, duplicity, and treachery. Perhaps you have been betrayed by your boss or a coworker. Or perhaps somebody betrayed a confidence or stabbed you in the back. It may have even been someone you've gone to church with or prayed with - someone you trusted as a brother in Christ.

The Judas kiss stings worse than a slap across the face. Almost every leader I know has experienced that sting at one time or another. Yet God is watching to see how we respond to the Judas Test. If we pass the test, He can then take us to the next level, the next test. If we fail, we'll probably have to repeat the test until we learn to forgive.

The Judas Test is God's graduate level course in faith, designed to reveal the truth about ourselves: Are we willing to trust Him enough to forgive the Judases in our lives? The book of Hebrews warns, "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" (Heb 12:15). When we refuse to forgive we risk infecting others with a "bitter root" of resentment.

Dear God, please help me to forgive.
And to seek forgiveness if necessary.
Most importantly, I pray that you grant me wisdom and love and patience and logic. So I won't piss people off in the first place.
Amen.

A whole new week to become a better person for God. Gambatei!

Let go and let God.

2009-02-28T03:50:00.004+08:00

How hard it is to do that really.
I cannot stand the possibility of not being able to go learn more at the conference.
I've put in so much effort to plan beforehand.
And I will do anything (morally upright) to go.

But yes, God's right. Honour your parents.
BUT I still hope somehow God speaks to them and make them wake up their idea.

Anyway. I just realised Joey's back in Melbourne. I didn't even meet up with her for lunch. :(:(:( I feel bad. Sorry Joey.

And recess week didn't feel like a recess week. No break. Just project meetings and work and more project meetings. I seriously hope I do well this semester. Despite the slight hiccup (the period of sickness). Man, I was getting the momentum. Now I gotta start the engine running again.

Supper at Blk 85 was gooooooood. But I think I should stop supper-ing before I start putting on weight again. Haha!

He is definitely not a man of God.

2009-02-26T23:45:00.003+08:00

The reason why I don't feel safe at home. I knew it. He is not right. There's something wrong with him.

Right now, I'm on the verge of a war with them. I just don't understand why it has to come to this.

"Since you can't find anyone from church to go with you to Hillsong Conference, your dad said that you can't go for Hillsong... No big deal, I'll just pay you back for the ticket."

And here I am, really believing their promise that if I save up myself I can go for the Hillsong Conference. They broke their promise. Yet again. I am utterly crushed and disappointed.

HE just comes up with countless STUPID reasons to stop me from going to the conference. And SHE tells me only after months of planning, despite my constant information updates.

They don't know me. They don't trust me.
It's not about gaining trust. Because I will never get it. Because I don't deserve it.
And thus, I know this. That they don't love me.

Don't say that I'm just being childish. Because you don't know them for who they really are. Their home and church behaviour are like the north and south poles. So don't ever tell me that I need to gain their trust. I have tried. My hardest. It's their problem now. No matter how much I try to improve, they will never get it.

My parents don't know me.
Even when I am turning 22.
Even when I try to be filial or neutral at least, with him.

Please get me out of this God. Just send me to Zimbabwe or Africa or something. Send me away from the family of denial.

Happy birthday Wayno bueno!

2009-02-24T02:44:00.003+08:00

It's recess week.

Time to catch up with school work!
WORK WORK WORK!

Anyway, it was awesome having Ps Matt Fielder in CMC. Awesome sermon.

Can't wait for July. Muahahahahahahahahaha!
It's just brain-wrecking to figure out accomodation. If De Xin and her friend are going to Melbourne as well, then it should be more convenient. It's hard to find accomodation if only Wayne and I are going alone. Like, staying in separate houses. Then we have to set a time to meet every single morning for a week. So weird. Not even sure how it's going to work, if the people over there are having holidays.

Ah heck. I'm sure God has a good plan at the end. I'll just get this semester over and done with first. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me do well, God.
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

My stomach is healed!

2009-02-18T22:48:00.003+08:00

The night I prayed at Uncle Peter's clinic.

"... If I'm healed, I'll go. And stand in front of the people during Healing service. And tell them you healed me..."

OMG.
I was suddenly so confident about being healed and going up on-stage to talk it out for God.

Thinking about it now. OMG. Gives me the jitters.

Anyway. I've a low haemoglobin count. Which explains my pale skin complexion. Nothing to do with "you haven't been resting enough...".

AH HA! It's not about resting. It's about malnutrition. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I must eat more meat.
Gimme meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

Wahahahaha.

My stomach's killing me.

2009-02-09T15:41:00.003+08:00

Think I ate too much junk/fast food during the childhood period.
Or maybe it's because I hardly exercise these days.

Darn man. Something's majorly wrong with my stomach.
I think. I'm going to be like those people (usually powerful CEOs and whatever people) seen in Channel 8 drama series, who initially 'clutch' their stomachs with a slightly pained expression, then it gradually becomes so serious that they die from stomach cancer or something. All because of stress. Of some other simple reason like over-tiredness.

Dying from stomach cancer is not a good way to leave the world. That's my conclusion of the day.

Alright back to work.

Projects projects projects.

2009-02-06T01:58:00.002+08:00

Now that they're more realistic, they're more interesting. And fun.

But I think the lecturers we have this semester are quite weird. It's an assorted variety. Haha.
Must say that I'm finally beginning to understand why we learn the things we learn. It's funny how I observe construction sites more these days. And to name all the things on-site, most of them for now, makes me feel professional. HAHAHAHA.

Jokes aside, I can actually see myself doing this kinda stuff. And thank goodness, I'm not going to work as a bulb-fixer. I can choose to manage people who fix and install lighting, not bulbs, and that's just one of the many things they've to do. Under the area called Facilities Management.

This is meant to rub back into the many faces of people who made fun of my course. Haha.

Most importantly, I thank God for my rejected business degree applications. I've come a pretty long way. Still got miles to go. :) Exciting.

:(

2009-02-03T21:09:00.002+08:00

I think I just lost a friend. Because of some misunderstanding. And a series of events earlier. Sigh.

Odd day.

2009-02-02T01:37:00.002+08:00

Something irritating and something amazing happened yesterday. As in Sunday.
Yurp.
Nevertheless. I still thank Him. Especially for the amazing thing. It's like. WOW.

Heal over.

2009-01-31T04:22:00.003+08:00

I wish I had the zai vocal ability to sing this song.

I just read one of the most interesting Prime Time With God articles.
Jesus came down to earth as a man. Like duh.
BUT.
He was only able to perform miracles because of His intimate relationship with God. Because he's on earth as a man. Not God.
That means. We should be able to attain that kind of zai standard too.
Damn.
Jesus set the bar really really really high.

And it was a massively huge reality check for me. Was in the Downtown East Cathay cinema watching Underworld (Rise of The Lycans) and I suddenly thought about the devotion again. Like, what the heck was I doing in the cinema watching a movie for almost 2 hours, when I can actually use the time to do some good stuff for God?!?!?!
Yes it was a little extreme. But yeah, like I said, that devotion was a reality check. Haha.

Happy CNY!

2009-01-29T02:40:00.001+08:00

It's a crazy crazy world out there!!!

Thank You God.

2009-01-24T17:35:00.002+08:00

Apparently I had bacterial infection as well. Hwah.

I'm soooooooooooooooooooo happy that I'm feeling better now. At least I can enjoy CNY.

Went for last-minute shopping the last two days. Thank you, Wayne, for being ever so patient and excited about shopping. Unlike the other guys we see around at the shopping places. Quite funny actually. Heh.

Shopping this time was a pain, SO MANY people. Luckily I got 2 new tops to tide me over in CNY.
And a mani-pedi. Just that the mani was done quite last minute, since I was one of the last few clients; the ladies all looked so tired. Which explains why the mani turned out be a disaster. BUT, the pedi looks nice.

OMG. So excited. Somemore got mahjong night on wednesday. Shiok.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a mahjong addict. But playing and eating with a buncha good friends. That feels fun. :)

Horrigible.

2009-01-15T11:24:00.005+08:00

This week has been the most trying week of my life, as of now.

Anyway, the fever turned out to be like a symptom of a viral infection in my body. That explains the nausea and bloated-ness as well. I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really want to thank God for His patience and tolerance with my neurotic and grumpy attitude.

I wished I was like Job. Haha. But anyway. I'm glad I'm recovering. And I want to thank God (again) for letting me feel well after tuition tomorrow. Was begging him to let me feel well for the steamboat gathering. Would've just gone home if the condition didn't improve.

The sickness was just the tip of the ice-berg. But the tip was humongously huge. Other irritating things came into place, like one after another. But THANK GOD.

On a happier note. It's the 1st week of school, and I've met many many TWW friends yesterday. Like randomly. Just by sitting at the arts canteen. It was definitely nice to see them again. It's times like these that I wish I wasn't sick and I dressed better. Haha. Sick people can't dress well. They can't be bothered. And I had to meet half a million of friends from different social circles. They couldn't recognise me, in that state. Dammit. When I dress a little better, I don't bump into anyone. Okay, I'm gonna quit whining. BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Thank you God for keeping me safe. Thought I was gonna die from extreme pain or burst like over-pressured balloon or a million other ways I thought I could die from.

There's this really nice summer programme offered to Yr 1-2 students at Yale. And it ends on the 3rd of July. Before Hillsong Conference. It always kills me to see all the summer programmes and stuff which clashes with Hillsong Conference. Like this other programme offered in Mexico. But there're three problems I have with this Yale thing.
1. Need to pay at least S$2000. (WHAT THE WHAT. Then again. It's Yale.)
2. Write a thousand word essay about why you want to pursue this Yale programme, in regards to Politics, Human Relations or yada yada yada.
3. Application deadline is 19 January. OMG. Why didn't I read the bloody school mail earlier. Right, I was sick. And looking at the laptop made me feel sicker. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Okay! That's the end of the update of my very eventful week. VERY eventful week.
I am feeling better by the way. Just that I shiver very often these days. Like this morning. Couldn't go for tuition. BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. NO KA-CHING. Not that I was lazy. I was literally shivering so vigorously. My fingertips and soles felt so (*&^(*%*&^%$ cold, but the rest of my body felt like it was on fire. Felt like I was going through withdrawal symptoms. But I'm not taking drugs. Other than the stupid nausea medicine THAT DID NOT HELP and the panadol to control my headaches and body temperature.

Okay, this is the end.

Boundaries of dating.

2009-01-08T01:57:00.002+08:00

Currently reading this book about dating boundaries. Only read the first chapter, but it's awesomely interesting. Whether you have read Joshua Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye or not, you should consider checking out this read. What I found quite amusing is that the writers challenged the notion of discouraging teens to date.

I just can't believe how I slugged and munched away at home the whole day.
Okay, need to sleep. Headache's killing me.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2009-01-06T01:18:00.002+08:00

Alright, a lil late. But hey, it's the 6th of Jan. And we're 21 days away from CNY.

With all the chinese techno music going on everywhere, including westernised Cold Storage, it's hard to ignore that the whole period of red and ching-chang-chong is around the corner. CNY isn't so bad for me. I'm not forced to wear red. And my relatives don't ask me stupid questions, other than the "Did you put on weight?" question.

Recently, I helped out in baking the goodies this year. Aunt May sells treats like almond cookies and pineapple tarts. And they're pretty good.

Anyway. School's starting in a week. Pretty excited. Get the semester over and done with. Get good grades. Get ready for Australia. YAY. :):):):)

I had the weirdest dream ever.

2008-12-31T03:46:00.005+08:00

Rulin was on a stage similar to the one I remembered from Hillsong Conference.
She was playing a guitar and worship-leading at the same time. Like Brook Fraser.

That was part 1.

I was supposed to meet Grace, Ah Neh, Lucas and Wayne to head to Malaysia for dinner.
I ended up going somewhere else with Audrey and another person to have waffles buffet that had kueh pai tee and something else.
Then I went to some Chinese New Year festival garden that was massively crowded with fun rides and people and Chinese New Year statues.
Took this train ride which made me stuck under some tunnel.
Then somehow I got out of the tunnel and I met Grace. I was more than 2 hours late or something.

That was part 2.

BUT ANYWAY. I did go to Malaysia for real. With the same people.
Fantastic food. At a much cheaper price.
And we each bought a balloon kinda thingy. And ended up giving to random kids. Feels nice to be a saint. Haha.

The really funny thing was the difference between the Malay and Chinese parents' reactions.
The Malay parents - Cautious initially, walked away for a bit, then smiled and asked the kids to say thank you and take the balloon after we insisted for like a minute.
The Chinese parents - The first question, "Need to pay or free?". The second question, "Can we take 2?"

OMG. Seriously.

Anyhoo. I realised all the Christmas photos I took show the extra weight I've put on. Yuck.
TIME FOR A RUN.

Anyhoo anyhoo. Happy new year to all! 2009 is gonna be another great year. :):):)
Faith in the living God takes away the fear in the living.

Smiles.

2008-12-23T22:57:00.003+08:00

I'm satisfied with my results. FOR ONCE. :):):):)
And I can finally tell my mom how well I really did for my exams.
And my cap went up pretty drastically. Still third class. BUT. I'm happy. At least I see positive increment.

Thank You God. So muchos love.
Just hope Wayne's parents won't kick up a fuss about his grades. Sigh.

These few days were fun. Hanging out and shopping and manicure-ing.
I don't want school to start. NOOOOOOOOOO...

Results.

2008-12-23T04:12:00.003+08:00

Gonna be out in a few hours. I'm scared. BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

ANYWAY.
I wished I brought a camera to meet Liting and the rest earlier.
Man was it fun. Haha. Got high on lemon tea, while the rest beer-ed. Felt like a kid who's not allowed to drink. :)

Now I don't know when I should just stop abstaining from alcohol. Want to ask God for a sign. But I don't even know if I should do that.

Resolution no. 1 for 2009. Finish reading the Mike Pilavachi book.
Resolution no. 2. Save up for Down Under trip. (This is the do or die resolution.)

More to come. I think. :)

Another fantabulously good guy got snagged (is that the word?). Conan is attached. Oh my gawd. Not that it's a surprise; he has a fan club. But anyway, happeeeee for you Conan. :):):)

Patrick.

2008-12-22T01:19:00.003+08:00

Seeing Patrick again in the photos. Cute.
But somehow, I feel uncomfortable looking through the pictures.
I'm glad that you're doing well though.
Despite the fact that you dislike/hate me. From the last time I checked.

Anyway.
Conan's back! Liting's coming back soon too! Woohoo. :)
And Wayne's in Bangkok. I'm utterly jealous.

This year's Christmas seems more special. Last year's Christmas was a little shiat-ified. With the quarrels and fights and tears. Blah.
Thank You God.

The sudden urge.

2008-12-19T03:03:00.002+08:00

To jam with the TWW peeps.
I miss them. Especially Liting and Conan.
Sigh.

Christmas!

2008-12-18T00:38:00.006+08:00

Another eventful year passed. One of the best years I've had so far, despite a little shiat here and there.

Things I want to do before the year ends:

Have dinner with Grace (with Lucas and Ah Neh too, if they're not mad at me for MIA).
Have a decent meal with the family before dad goes back.
Have another decent meal with the CG.
Have yet another meal/party/meet-up with Liting, Daphne etc.

It's all about food. :)

But yes, there are other things I want to do before the year ends:

Replace the battery in the $5 chinese red watch which I absolutely love.
Buy a watch from Muji with is absolutely simple and nerdy-ish-classy.
Buy a lock-and-lock tupperware for Rup's absolutely precious recorder.
Find a couple who's interested in a holiday in Australia in July. Absolutely unlikely though.
Play more squash and badminton to lose some pounds, which will absolutely boost my self-esteem.

and lastly,

Buy more presents for the right people to make them feel loved this Christmas.

I hope I get many many presents. :)

Wee Lee.

2008-12-12T17:35:00.002+08:00

Interesting time at Wee Lee. And half the time there I had no clue what the heck I was playing. Like chords with diminished stuff here and there. So that's how they do it. Screw a chord up with sharps here and flats there. Cool.

Yet again. It's going to be a boring Friday. UGH. All my fridays are exceedingly monotonous and boring. Which somehow makes the weekend look bleak.

A little update. Don't think I'm getting the cool moo-la job. Argh.
How disappointing.

A tribute to Muffin.

2008-12-06T02:00:00.004+08:00

You were the fiercest hamster I've ever seen.
You shat everywhere; you even built a mini shit-nest.
You drink loads of water; peed a few times in the food-dish.

But you were the most active hamster I've ever seen.
You became toilet-trained and you love the toilet so much that you bathe in it sometimes.
The way you bathe in the bathing sand dish always makes me go 'aww'.
Your fur has the nicest shade of grey and brown.

I'm sorry I wasn't around during your last few hours, Muffin.
And I miss you already.

IKEA.

2008-12-05T14:52:00.002+08:00

Today we're gonna have a short trip to IKEA to check out furniture and things we need to recreate Wayne's room. I may not be as creative as the architecture students, BUT we thought out this really cool layout for the room. Too bad there isn't enough space for Guitar Hero. Or is there?

Went to Youth Camp last night. Saw many young people; don't know the majority of them. Which is a good sign. This year felt a little different. Which is also a good sign. Kudos to the camp commitee. And God of course.

The prayer room works wonders.

2008-12-02T22:57:00.002+08:00

An hour in the room.
Silent air-con running.
Silence.
Singing.
Praying.

That was the best alone time I got this year.

Please pray for me, cause I may landing a tuition job which will be a massively ka-ching success. Alright, not literally massive. But it'll majorly help the financial situation for the Down Under trip.

And if I don't get it, I'm quite screwed.
God help me.

Lead worship.

2008-11-28T20:33:00.003+08:00

I'm in such a screwed up shape right now.

One more paper to go.
And I'm starting to understand what Ruperto meant in the past. It's a curse. Haha.

I want to be passionate.
I want to write songs.
I want to help people.
I want to love people like how some do.
I want to be as bubbly and exciting as how some are.
I want to be smarter like the nerds so I won't end up getting a third class degree.
I want to be more talented in my piano-playing.

You're right, God. I can't have everything I want.

2 more to go.

2008-11-25T21:38:00.003+08:00

Exam disaster.
So traumatised that I didn't study the whole of today. Ok, not traumatised. Just a lil tired and stoned.

Tomorrow is a brand new day! I'm going to start studying for my next 2 papers. And eat right. Think I put on some weight; haven't been watching what I eat. Think that's what they call binge eating. Have resorted to that, subconsciously. And yes, I actually feel a little better, for a few hours, before I start eating again. AH WELL.

Think I've too many vests. But I just caught sight of another one. OMG. Nice nice nice nice nice. At least vests cover really plain tops. Which I love buying.

Haven't shopped since the last online spree, which consisted of a wallet and a vest. Saving up for Down Under and omg. Suddenly no one can confirm if they're going. Hate it when that happens. But no matter, I'm gonna go for it.

Anyhoo.
Will be looking through forever21/heritage again after exams, will probably want to get some stuff for Christmas. If you're interested, let me know!

I love the smell of new books.

2008-11-23T15:57:00.004+08:00

They've this intoxicating smell.

Was supposed to go to church as per norm today. But I think it's because of that pill I took for my itchiness/rash problem. I was so drowsy and dizzy; didn't get outta bed till past 12. Conclusion: No pill the night before church. But the rash's returning, thanks to the horrigible and unpredictable weather in Singapore. I'm just glad last night was like cold. Was just wearing shorts and a T-shirt; still felt a lil warm. Odd.

Am studying my law notes on and off. Can't concentrate, because of the heat. No more itch, thank you God. Think my skin only itches at night.

Decided to read through the Selah book (written by Brian Houston). This very quote just banged me on the head.

"Don't focus on the growth of the church. Focus on the health of the church - because healthy things grow."

That is very true. Which is what the guys in church are doing now, with things like I Heart Sports Day and Youth camp etc. Which is cool. Which makes me feel sad that I'm not helping out. Or even attending them. SIGH.

Oh there's the Telok Kurau Christmas Outreach. And... I'm the coffee-girl. With apron and all. The other girls are wearing angel outfits. Cause they're Angels during the Outreach. Something keeps tugging me within. Like, I'm feeling like a big fat ugly igor. Haha.

Honestly, over the past few weeks, months maybe, there's something eating me from inside. I feel out of the church which I've been growing in since 6. It's been 15 years. Wow. I think it's the staleness of not going to other churches to experience different stuff.

I tried to fight away (with His help of course) the bitter feeling, because I know (I hope I know it right) that all these obstacles are just there to help me grow as a person, and to learn it full-on that every person has his place in life by God to do specific things. But everytime I thought I've learnt enough, another thing just kicks me off balance again. Then back to square one. The isolation, sole dependence on Him, isolation again every Sunday, the dreary world with its pains that I see in people but I can't help.

Now I'm just stuck between squares 1 & 2. The isolation on-and-off. One time when I quarelled with Wayne, I couldn't call a single person to talk. Half the church is probably negative towards my breakup with Fabian, let alone let me cry and bawl about another guy. That was The moment I realised, there isn't anyone. Not the friends I laugh and have fun with at school. Not the family who brought me up. Not anyone in church. God was around, no doubt. But I wished for Him to just bring a human angel to me. To talk things out with me, ask how things are, be actually honestly concerned and non-judgemental when I talk about Fabian and Wayne. I need a friend.

Anyone who reads this probably thinks I'm just being emotional and not thinking straight. Honestly, how many friends do you really confide in about everything, even the dark secrets? God's not counted by the way. Think you gotta have at least two. Cause if you quarrel big time with one, there's still another one you can call.

That's the thing. I only have 1. Better than nothing, yes. But it's not about being greedy. It's the human need for more love on earth.

Yay.

2008-11-20T22:10:00.002+08:00

McKey won ANTM.

I'm not usually a fan of the series. But this cycle's models were pretty good. And I love McKey. Boxer-girl's got some attitude going on.

Anyway, today started off really badly, with the fact that I had to sleep with a really bad stomach. Had like food poisoning. Prayed really hard... Till I dozed off. Thank You God. I feel like nothing's wrong today.

BUT. Some grades came back. Like my report. Which I slogged all the way for. Tutor's not too happy with the topic. BUT he initially loved it. ARGH. Fickle. And my other lap report. I passed. But it's not good, considering loads of other people scored higher than me. BLARGH. And I did put in effort. Like. Alot.

SIGH. Wayne and I concluded that marks aren't everything. At least we've still God around to back us up. Which is very true. Honestly I can't imagine what'd happen if I didn't have this relationship with God. So yup, it was a good wake-up call. I just can't wait for exams to be over and done with. So I can start doing some real work. Like. Designing a room. And tutor (ka-ching). And of course, prepare CHRISTMAS. :):):):) The nicest festival of the year.

Okay, bedtime. 1st exam tomorrow's at 9 am.

Chatterbox.

2008-11-16T01:01:00.005+08:00

Today started off quite groggy and all. Couldn't get myself outta bed for the YM games day thingy. Oh well.

Finally got myself outta bed at 11-ish, when it started raining. I hope they didn't get wet or anything.
Anyhoo. I keep forgetting that it really helps when the first thing I do in the morning is to talk to Him. Prepares me for the day ahead. I actually smiled to myself. Haha. And then good news followed. I got a tuition starting from dec thanks to my aunt's recommendation. Yay. :) Can continue saving up for Down Under. I'm officially broke; can't spend the moola in my account. Haha.

The rest of the day seemed pretty peaceful. Just made myself sit down and get a report done. Leaving the last assignment for later after church. Need to pace myself. And get some rest. I seem to be getting more anal with the work quality I produce. Good and bad thing. I feel that I'm distancing from the civilisation.

W brought me to Chatterbox earlier for chix rice. I'm a sucker for packaging. So when the dinner set came, I was just checking out the presentation for a while before starting. Haha. And there were some random fireworks thingy going on somewhere in town. Since Chatterbox was on the 39th floor, we could see the stuff going on. Nice. Sigh. It was a good dinner. :)

Dad just came back a couple of days ago. I'm trying to be more polite and sincere. Think Mom can see it too. She was taken aback to see me home on a Saturday doing work. Yup, I actually do work, Mom. Thanks.
And they seem to converse with W pretty casually now. I'm happy. La la la.

La la la is so not me.
Now I just got to do well for this semester. At least get my cap up to a reasonable grade.
And start interacting with the people I used to find easy interacting with.

LITING.............. COME BACK SOON! Rachel and I want to have a picnic.

Sickly week.

2008-11-11T22:11:00.002+08:00

Yesterday and today seemed/seem so fast-paced. But I think I'm kinda lagging behind time. Haha. With the fantastic weather, it helps the rash heal although the skin's peeling off. Nice cool weather. Sigh.

Had a 5-hr nap after 8 am class, because I felt too sick to do any work today. Managed to pull myself out of bed, had porridge-y stuff for dinner, and do some work at Wayne's. At least I managed to figure out what to write for that particular assignment. Sigh. Everything seems a lil more peaceful, and nice.

My exams are in less than 10 days I think. Haha. Thankfully the assignments double as revision. Or else I'll be freaking out right now.

Sigh. Happy sigh.
I'm just happy the rash is going away. They don't itch as much anymore. And the mozzies aren't bothering me. :):):)

Thank You Lord!

Rash gone bad.

2008-11-09T23:52:00.004+08:00

Or worse actually.

In tears she needed someone.
But no name came to mind,
No number she could call.
In desperation she turned to the Father,
Who only gave her a hug and words of comfort.
Then she realised He was more than enough,
More than anyone she needed.

There is nothing like Your love, Father. Thank You.

Proverbs 3.

2008-11-06T23:29:00.002+08:00

It just came to my mind. Out of the blue.

Interesting.

It's been quite a heck of a week. My skin's acting up again. Probably due to stress. Or some idiot I bumped into and he/she has some bacterial disease or something. UGH. Bathing now's a dread, because my skin stings under running water. And it feels dry and painful after bathing. I'm disgusted by it, let alone other people. I'm scared of touching people or touching anything that belongs to them; don't want them to feel like I'm passing on some infectious thingy to them.

It's not that I don't take care of my skin. I've always been careful with the skincare products I use and stuff. Just really irritated that my skin's condition is getting from bad to worse. And I wish I can go see some doctor at the National Skin Centre. But the consultation fees are like. OMG. Getting basic pocket money is so strenuous; how am I supposed to get money for this.

I'm just praying and hoping this skin problem will just disappear before the exams. Being distracted by the itching and hurting will definitely not help while attempting the written papers.

God please just tell me what this is for. To build my immune system? To increase my tolerance threshold or something?! Or at least tell me that this is be over really soon.

Zen.

2008-10-22T20:52:00.003+08:00

Another nice hide-out after a hectic week of work and revision and deadlines. Not that I feel very tired this week. I've been sleeping more. And I think I'm coping pretty well this semester, considering I'm kinda better at projects and presentations than just sitting down to complete pileloads of work 24/7. But I gotta say, this semester's crasi. Fingers crossed I won't do so badly again.

Anyway, dinner was nice. Quiet for the first 10 mins or so, till this group of giggly gurgly mandarin-speaking secondary school girls entered the haven. Not that we didn't welcome them. It was nice having another group in that huge room. At least there's someone to look at and stuff. Haha. I think we came just before the dinner hour peak, so we were the first ones up there. Oh, there was this group of office people. Gosh. They were LOUD. And singlish-fied. Combination of both = horrifying. I was kinda glad we were already half-way through when they came in.

Almost 6 weeks to holidays. 4 weeks to exams. 3 weeks to 3 assignments' submission. 2 weeks to 2 lab reports' submission. 1 week to a film project + 2 reports.

WOW. My life is exciting.
BACK TO WORK!!!

Unreasonable.

2008-10-12T16:24:00.004+08:00

I wish she realises how stupid and unnecessary and hurting and meaningless her 'lectures' are.

I'm like. THE best punching bag they ever 'owned' in their lifetime.

Waiting.

2008-10-09T02:23:00.002+08:00

For the dough to settle down. Making gingerbread cookies.

In the meantime, I'm listening to Happy Day. Updated version, with a lil sth new after the bridge. It's funny how the musicians take note of every single beat and note. I'm just really glad that some musicians in our church are really very. Very. Conscientious and up-to-date. Kudos to you.

Was just reading Prime Time with God in my gmail account. My hotmail account is screwed.
ANYWAY.
One statement says it all.
"Beware of any christian leader who does not walk with a limp."
Weird, but yeah, it totally makes sense!

(Okay whatever is typed below is after I finish making the gingerbread man cookies.)
I. AM. TIRED.
NEED. TO. SLEEP.
WAKE. UP. TWO. HOURS. LATER.

Haha. Okay, time to zonk off before my body mechanics really screw up.

Tuition.

2008-10-07T15:57:00.005+08:00

I'm supposed to be at tuition now, but since my kid's just practicing her fantabulous science skills with a practice exam paper, I decided to cut her some slack and shut up.

Today's the last tuition with her. The last time I'd buy bubble tea for the both of us. Sigh. Emotional time. Haha. I'm gonna miss coming over to teach her. Considering I've been going over to tutor her at least twice a week since last year, I think we kinda got some connection, despite her not talking too much until a few months back. Haha.

After today, I'd have 2 primary students left to tutor till the end of the month. And then. My financial backing is cut off. Darn. Well, at least it's in time for me to just sit down, do some proper work, and study a lil harder for the exams this semester. It's sucky enough that I can't go for an exchange programme. YUP. My cap is that horrigible. BUT. I'm just grateful that I got into NUS in the 1st place. So yup.

Read her blog entry for like, the millionth time. HAHA. Alright, not exactly the millionth time, but definitely more than 5. I'm just trying to see things from her perspective. Like, what made her feel that way? Not that I see it perfectly. But I can somehow see where she's coming from. It's easy to feel that way. I mean, I used to think that way when I was in secondary school, which explains why I was M.I.A-ing from church. Depression and repression made me feel church was not as great as the friends I had in my school. Well, they did help me through the tough times. Kudos to them.

Now I'm standing on the other end. I don't have any close friends outside church. Well, maybe just 1 or 2. But the rest... I just lost them. Or as some of them may say, I'm too busy to grace them with my presence when they organise meet-ups and stuff. It's awfully sad when you try your best to explain things to them, but you know that they'll never be able to fully comprehend what is it in church that keeps you so so so busy.

Sometimes when I see their pictures on facebook, I feel kinda sad to see pictures of all my friends together, without me. Dang it. Before I left for Aussie this year, one of the best friends I had in school invited me to her 21st birthday. But I couldn't make it because of the trip. It's not that I don't want to go. I really wanted to go, and finally meet up with the girls. But under such circumstances, there's nothing much I can do other than just replying, "I'm so sorry, but I can't make it. But anyway, happy birthday! Meet up soon alright?". Stupid sms, cause I know we'll probably have such different schedules that we won't be able to meet up at all.

Anyhoo, back to main point. I can understand why she thinks the church community feels fake. And I feel a lil sian. After all, a church community is supposed to be full of love and not be judgemental no matter what a person does/did. But we're humans. We are a screwed up species. Heh. Okay, a lil harsh. But anyhoo. We do try to love everyone and anyone, from what I see. And this isn't an overnight thing. It takes time. Although I'm not really close to everyone/anyone in church, I'm just glad that I had a chance to interact and grow up with some of them over the years. You can see the changes. I can easily give multiple examples, like Janice. She makes me feel jealous (in a good way, of course). Haha. I wish I had the strong faith she has, the fantastic ability to worship-lead at such a young age etc etc etc etc. Of course I know each of us have different paths, yada yada. But yes, you get what I mean.

As of now, I feel detached from church. Yet again. But I know it's just a phase which I've to go through again and again and again. Because of who I am and what I've been set to do. You know how some people say Christians are like one of a kind? I'm like, one of a kind of the one of a kind. Something like, the oddest of the odd. Haha. On several occasions (even these few weeks), I felt so out of place after church service that I just want to go home and bury myself in my (cosy little) studyroom. IKEA makes the best homey-feeling/smelling furniture I tell you. :) Okay, back to point. What's my point actually? Hmmm. I have no idea. But bottomline. I love the people in church. Not because they're my homeys. Not because they look better than other christians we meet (during YMLC etc etc). HAHAHAHA! I'm evil. BUT ANYWAY. I just love them because I see them love God in their unique way and I see how God loves each of them His way.

Sigh. Now I can't wait to go back to church on Sunday. And do stupid hi-waves and stuff when I see people like Mae Yan and Jayne and Janice and Audrey and Kezia and Yihui and Rulin and Pao Yin etc etc etc etc etc etc. Note that I didn't add in any guy name. Yup, they'll give the are-you-retarded face expressions when the girls do stupid his and stuff. OMG. This entry is insanely long and weird. Okay, point to make. I just love them. Fullstop.

Something BIG.

2008-10-04T08:56:00.003+08:00

Happened this morning.
Like, HUGE.
Something super duper evil.

But I guess at the end of it God turned something meant for evil to something good. Says on my a-verse-daily-calendar. How coincidental.

Phew. Honestly, I'm glad it's over, and we talked about it. AND, the best part - we worked things out with God and ourselves. I'm totally grateful for God's grace. And the selfless supportive love from my bff.

If you're reading this, I just want to say I'm really sorry (again). And thank you so much for choosing to love me as I am, regardless of my past. It means a lot to me.

Hugg.

What ifs.

2008-09-30T16:31:00.002+08:00

Just read this email Joella forwarded to me. Speaking of which, I haven't seen Joella around in church.

Anyway, like everyone else, I don't really have the habit of reading forwarded emails. But the title kinda captured my attention for a bit.

Cellphone VS. The Bible

Interesting insight. And thank God that my Bible is in my bag. Not that it makes me feel holier than thou. I haven't been faithfully reading the Bible, that I must admit.

Anyhoo. Today during the 4-hrs break, we had lunch with the folks. They're awesomely nice. I'm just glad that they don't act awkward with me around. Maybe it's because they're used to it already. Which is an awesomely awesome sign. :)

Alrightey, back to schoolwork. Got 2 structural concrete books to read to prep for my lab report.
And my eczema's acting up really badly again. Maybe it's a sign for me to go to the National Skin Centre or sth. Sigh. But it's so far... Darn.

No more shopping spree.

2008-09-28T19:20:00.002+08:00

Just realised how much time I've left till next June. It seems far, but it's less than 8 months away. And... I haven't saved 1/8 of the money. Oh shiat.

Yup, no more shopping or splurging. What have I splurged on anyway?! Oh right. Cabs and food. Okie, time to take public transport more often and eat less. Dang.

Anyhoo. Mid-sem break's over. Not like it was a break anyway. But. School's in. Ugh. So much work, so little time.

Motherloads of projects too.
BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Major soft spot.

2008-09-24T01:39:00.003+08:00

For my dear lil muffin. Felt so guilty when I saw it bathing in the old sand earlier.
I love you muffin. Even though you're major aggressive and you pee almost everywhere you go. :)

Mid-sem break doesn't feel like a break right now. But I'm just lucky there's no mid-sem test for me this time. Thank You God.
I think maybe I've the load of multiple projects to make up for it.

I'm just looking forward to a shopping spree really soon. Hopefully. :):):)

:(

2008-09-21T21:50:00.004+08:00

Rough week.
Rough nights.

'Nuff said.
Luckily I'm not Jewish. My 'new' week starts on Mondays, not Sundays.
Now I fully understand why I absolutely dread being home early, especially on Sundays.
Getting financial assistance from my parents is like. Snatching a crocodile's food from its mouth. Haha.

And I'm tuitioning because my so-called pocket money (I'm calling it token money from now on) is pathetically the bare minimum. Not to mention the fact that I have to save up for next year since I'm not going to be financed to go to Australia. But they're scolding me for not giving them 'parent-money'. It'll be because of them that I don't believe in 'parent-money'. Gosh. Are they bloodsuckers or what? I'm just wondering now, if they're so into the ka-ching, why even bother revamping my room. Might as well keep the money to themselves no? Like seriously, they are so unpredictably temperamental.

What a great family I have.
I'm still gonna thank God for them. My ability to ignore stupid people has drastically improved. And my urge to move out asap has grown yet again. That will be called independence.
God help me.

1 presentation down.

2008-09-16T13:27:00.002+08:00

2 to go.

2 1/2 hours of sleep. OMG. I'm amazed that I'm still alive and attentive during lessons.

And I think I just had food poisoning. Again.
BUT, honestly, the indian rojak & nasi bryani at simpang bedok are SUPER NICE. Either that or I was just really hungry.

Still awake.

2008-09-12T04:54:00.004+08:00

Oddly enough.
Was just reading the bible. Didn't understand some parts which I read. Sigh. I totally need to up that aspect. Like, the growth is lop-sided. Ah well.

Realised I've 3 presentations up next week. New record. And all are counted in my CA. Hopefully I'll smile more and inject humour into my speech. Yup. Professional Communication teacher said I'm shy around strangers; I need to smile more. Language and professionalism don't make up for the lack of friendliness. Big lesson I learnt this week.

But anyway, I feel motivated to study the law module now. Seems quite interesting, other than the troublesome part of having to find loads of past cases (Early 1800s to the 1900s) for the sake of references during my end-semester open-book examination.

Ooh. It's 5 am. Damn. I needa sleep. Supposed to wake up early this morning, say about 9 to study and do some work before I slog it out at my tuitions later on in the day. Blah.

Partly-revamped.

2008-09-11T11:01:00.002+08:00

Now my study-room has the IKEA smell. Which I like. :)
Come to think of it... Right now, other than the piano, the rest of the furniture in my study room are from IKEA.

Study-room's a lot more spacious now. I can actually fit 2 people sitting on the floor between the BRAND-new white shelf thingy and the BRAND-new cool table. Now all I need for the floor is a cushion or a carpet. Hmmm. :)

OH OH. And I've new curtains up. Totally gives the privacy I need. They're transluctent white, so light still enters the room. YAY. I'm the kind of person who'll shut the windows and use the curtains to completely shut the external world away. I hate the thought of people staring at me from the block opposite. Heh.

The funny thing is the revamp was done wholly by Mom & Dad. When they're together, they tend to be nicer. Haha! Put them separately, things tend to get a lil messier. Oh well. Wonder when Dad's going back though.

But anyhoo. I hope the IKEA smell stays in my room for a while. Love it to bits. Not that I'm addicted to it. But it's always been the smell of homey-ness, for me that is.

Time to go back to IKEA! For meatballs and get a cushion or two. And maybe hopefully help Wayne revamp his room. His parents kindly cleared the side-yard (Is that what u call it?) for us to study at. But it's super humid there; paper gets "dum-dum" if left for a while there. Haha. BUT. It's the thought that counts.

Okay, lunch time. Then school.
Super looking forward to coming back home to my study room and start doing work. Feel super professional. HAHAHA. Okay, stupid.

45 minutes flat.

2008-09-04T11:20:00.002+08:00

I got my eyebrows plucked (in Place A) and got my express pedicure (in Place B) done.
Wow.

Anyhoo. YMLC tmr!
Think it's my third time going for it. Hopefully it'll be fun. :)
The hotel seems quite pleasant.

I'll be missing church 2 weeks in a row, since I went to TPMC last week. Oh well. I miss the CMC people.

Been feeling rather sick in the stomach. Think it's the gastric flu returning. Blargh. Shall not let it affect me.

ANYWAY. It's Eugene's birthday today. Happy birthday! :)

Picasa.

2008-08-29T12:55:00.002+08:00

Thanks to Jasper's wise advice, having Picasa now is like. A blessing.
Wonder how Jiao Per's doing now anyway. Haha.

ANYHOO.
Looking through the pictures I took in Australia just makes me want to get my ass back there again. Haha. Yes, Jon has proven his point. I'm missing Australia. Not for the weather. But for the fun and shopping. I think it'll be more fun next year; going with a different crowd. Hehe. OMG. JUNE.

Birthday celebration was good. Food was good. Company was good. Management from there was a lil screwed up though. The amount of food they thought would fill 20 people was pathetic. Had to do several refills for each dish.

On one hand I felt like, "Yeah, they're doing business. Gotta earn a profit." But on the other hand, it's kinda like, "Have you really filled 20 people with just that amount of food?!?! DAMN. They must be damn shy, probably don't dare to go up to the food table to get a proper first helping. "

Imagine my shock when less than 10 people went to get their food and about 3 dishes were emptied. Oh well. They did give a voucher at the end of the day. But still, I felt a lil down, cause the servings were disappointing.
Their defense statements made me more upset:
"But this is not a buffet..."
"We don't have the economies of scale to be able to feed them fully..."
"We've fed more people and they could even 'da-bao' some home."
RIGHT. Contradictory statements.
I actually had to put up with the debating for 2-3 hours before the night ended. When Stef said, "Bring it up as a case.", I almost died. Gosh. It's my birthday; for once, less drama in my life please.

Conclusion: Place is good for ala-carte. Food's good. But party-wise, with that kinda money, you should probably go to some other place more established. Either that or you have a really good debator/hard-ass person to liaise with them to make sure the food proportions are right. HAHA.

Sorry is never enough.

2008-08-23T03:15:00.002+08:00

Time to take action.

What can wash away my sin
Nothing but the blood of Jesus
What can make me whole again
Nothing but the blood of Jesus

Oh precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow
No other fount I know
Nothing but the blood of Jesus

That is and will be the only song that can make me cry while walking (alone) in Clark Quay.
In the midst of the song, I was walking through an underpass tunnel and caught sight of a middle-aged man playing his guitar, trying to earn some money by performing. Got reminded of one of the videos I watched during the conference. Taking out money was a norm, but the rush of emotions was completely different. The smile the man gave was just warmth and love. No words can describe that. It's just there. You feel it, but people won't understand what you're talking about until they experience it themselves.

There is still love in this world. And we have to start showing that it still exists. Not just with the friends and familiar faces around us. But with the strangers, the foreigners, the loners, the weak, the poor, the frail, the broken.
Love someone new each day. That'll be my new mission. Amongst other ambitious goals. :) Awesome.

2 tuitions cancelled.

2008-08-22T14:19:00.004+08:00

Slacking off right now. Did some work here and there. Sent emails etc etc. Finally decided what to do on Tuesday. Gosh. Forgot about the arrangement until Liting reminded me.

Went to Jazz @ Southbridge twice in the last few days. I can't seem to just relax and chill. Maybe it's the acoustics. It was a tad too loud for me. I prefer smooth and slow and not-too-loud jazz. But it seemed like the rest of them were enjoying themselves. So I didn't say anything. Ah well.

Dad's touching down tonight. And no surprise, Mom's pretty excited about it; asked me to do something which she wouldn't ask me to do on a normal basis. I guess it's quite exciting, at least this time we'll get a ride home. Wonder if he's bringing any mangos back. Cause usually he'll bring back a whole box of em. And they're all magnificently S.W.E.E.T. and fresh.

School's been quite bearable, thankfully. Just played badminton on tuesday at the sports centre. Gosh. I never knew the booking was so easy and free-of-charge, until a year of studying there. Oh well, it's never too late. :) At least there's an easier way of working out, instead of just running. Running can be really dreaful sometimes. Blagh. But now my right butt hurts. For some odd reason.

Will be turning 21 next week. How exciting! Not that alot of things are going to change, like how it happens in the U.S. People at 21 in Singapore will still be hen-pecked, or more specifically, I'll still be governed by my mom. Like after the Hillsongs Conf, she seemed nicer. BUT, when she has her random PMS or menopause tempers, she'll flare up over no reason, and say really brainless, thoughtless and hurtful stuff. Which doesn't really reflect much on her positive change. At least I didn't rebutt back the last time round. And she just shut up after a bit. But she didn't apologise. Never mentioned about that incident again. I can get over it, but it'll be really pissing-off if she does it regularly and expects me to just take it all in.

I feel hungry.

2008-08-14T01:48:00.002+08:00

And I feel grumpy.

BUT ANYWAY.

School's going pretty alright so far. The school-mood still hasn't set in though. Feel so slack. And nua.

What's there to do for 4 hours in NUS.

1. Work out at the gym - Old equipment, lousy ventilation. OUT.
2. Study at the library - Nothing much to study for now. So staying in the library for 4 hours isn't really a good option. OUT.

Wow. School is boring. Oh heck. Guess I'll go home. And play with Muffin.

OOOOH. Daphne's in school. Finally. I see hope.

First day of school.

2008-08-11T01:11:00.002+08:00

And it didn't really start well.

Shikes.

Song-dead.

2008-08-06T23:20:00.002+08:00

Got snapped at for not calling back.

Jumping to conclusions are the No. 1 killer to cause miscomm.
But ohwell, it's tiring trying to explain that I've tuition and yada yada.
I'm the bad guy at the end of the day.

WOOHOO. Major self-pity.

Tsk.
Feel like an immature childish little girl. BLARGH.

Alright, snapping out of it.

Time to get my arse back onto the piano seat tomorrow. Need to focus.

Muffin.

2008-08-04T02:06:00.004+08:00

Hammie's here!

Fiesty lil one though. A bit blargh. But oh well. At least it's a cute lil grey-ish brown one. Just that it has red eyes; it's supposedly fiercer or something.

Check out the extremely colourful cage I got for it.

Awesome la. So colourful. I like. And the cage's primary home-spot's on my piano. But it'll probably stay out in the living room more. With my grandma. When I'm not around. Which is gonna happen very often when school starts.

Just tried putting Muffin into the hamster ball. Gosh. Super active hamster la. Will take a picture next time. When I'm less afraid of it. The red eyes really scared me for quite a while.

Youth service was gooood today. In my opinion. Can't wait to see other changes. Awesome stuff.

Obstacle number two.

2008-07-30T23:55:00.002+08:00

Overcame it. Thank God for his prayer. And the convo with Him.

This is it. I think it's really time for me to just rely on myself financially. Don't want to strain matters.

Anyhoo. Incoming hammie this saturday. Yay. :) Gonna get a nice sweet cosy home with a nice toilette and bedroooooom for the lil' fella. Can't wait!
At least it'll keep grams company when I'm not home. Awesome awesome-ness.

OOOOHM.

2008-07-29T18:49:00.003+08:00

Please forgive me for not focusing on you.
I'll get back onto track. Promise!!!
Will stay close to You. Promise!!!

OMG. This is getting exciting. A big change is F.I.N.A.L.L.Y going to be implemented.
WOOHOO!!!

I knew it.

2008-07-29T01:55:00.002+08:00

Things can't be going too well. In my life that is.
It's like I'm telling myself, "Told you so."

There's this twangy kind of pain. Don't know how to describe it.
But heck.
I'm just going to push it aside and focus on the more impt stuff. The whole self-pity thingy isn't going to change anything.
And it's a waste of time. Energy too.

I want to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. But I can't get myself to.
Blargh.

With everything.

2008-07-25T13:08:00.004+08:00

Let hope rise.
Darkness tremble in Your Holy light.

The lyrics seem so strong. And encouraging. That song never failed to make me cry whenever they sang it at the conference.

SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER excited about tonight's Indi conference. Okay, not THAT excited. But yeah.

Finally. Meeting Grace, Lucas and Neh. Hahaha. Wonder what we'll do this time though. Hmmmm.

Worship.

2008-07-23T14:01:00.004+08:00

A need of expression of the created to the Creator.
Awesome quote.

Right now, I just feel bummed about the Passion World Tour not stopping by in Singapore. Darn. And the passes for the one in KL are completely sold out. Wow. Christians over there must be living it up. Or maybe the Singaporeans over here Kiasu-ly bought the tics already. HAHA.

Singfest this coming August. COOOOOL.
But the tics. Super expensive.
And I'm saving up for next year's Aus trip. Dammit.

Change me.

2008-07-16T21:49:00.003+08:00

Chains be broken.
Lives be healed.
Eyes be opened.
Christ is revealed.

It's amazing how I feel impacted and compelled to do things that I've never even thought about in the past.

So many things to do. So little time. And money. Gosh.

Last pit-stop: Hillsong Conf in Sydney.

2008-07-14T01:38:00.005+08:00

AWESOME.
AWESOME.
AWESOME.

I've learnt so much during this 4 days conference. More than the past 5-10 years of sermons I've listened to. Not sure how to put it, but the conference has really been such a blessing (excluding the fact that the hostel I stayed in did give me the creeps).

Hung out this awesome buncha people - Rulin, Jon Ong, Nelson, yes my mom too, along with some new friends I've met - Yan, Joey, Denise, Novi, and one more girl. I don't know how to spell her name. I'm sorry. Haha. It's like, Piak something. :S

But yes, I think, very very likely that I'd want to go for next year's conference; have to save up for it myself this time though. Mom paid for almost everything, because it's my 21st birthday present. The most awesome-est present I'd ever receive. Yup.

For now. It's time to put into practice what I've learnt. OMG. God help me.

And yes. I love all the videos and wallpapers they show on their screens. SUPER ARTSY FARTSY. OMG. Damn cool.

Third pit-stop: Chatswood in Sydney.

2008-07-06T19:25:00.004+08:00

More shopping.
More sight-seeing.
More eating.
More walking.
More animal-watching. (Wildlife park.)
Adorable wombats and koalas.
More grocery shopping. (LOVE the aussie supermarts. AWESOME.)
Shops still close by 6pm max.
Rioting. (Because of the Pope or sth.)
Bubble tea.
Char-grilled Charlie's chix.
Honky dim sum.
Huge bowls of japanese ramen.
Paddy's Market & Factory outlets.
Sydney Opera House.
And of course, my niece, Rochelle.

Thank God for my cousin and her hubby and their kid and their nice apartment. Sydney is freezing-ass cold, as compared to Gold Coast. Gosh. It's already been a week since I left Singapore. Feel so disconnected from everything and everyone. Ah well.

Last pit-stop for the Aussie trip --> HILLSONG CONFERENCE.
Alright. :) This should be good. Gonna be THE highlight of the whole entire trip. And my life. As of now. Haha. WOOHOO!

Second pit-stop: Surfers Paradise in Gold Coast

2008-07-04T19:34:00.005+08:00

Mariott Courtyard Hotel. (VERY NICE.)
Awesome landscape view.
Warm sunny beaches with many many chicks and hunks. (It's the school hols.)
Friendly and extremely patient bus drivers.
Irritating, ignorant and insensitive Indonesian uni students.
Shopping @ Pacific Fair.
Bikinis and havaianas galore.
Winter sales.
Sitting with random strangers on wild roller-coaster rides. (My mom too wuss.)
Freezing my arse off at nights.
Paying 2 aussie bucks for 20 mins internet usage. (No free WIFI. Outdated sia.)

I really couldn't get used to having so many people around the entire place. It's like shockers, since the resort was pretty peaceful and quiet. Felt a lil afraid of the people the night we reached. SCARY.

I felt really fat, since all the food's oily and huge. Oh, but these few days didn't really have much appetite. Got more distracted with the shops and interesting sights. Think my mom's eating more than me now. Odd.

As soon as I saw a weighing scale at my cuzzie's, I dashed for it. Lost 1 kg. WOOHOO. Think I'll put it back on again this week. Just had this whole chix feast for dinner. OMG.

ANYHOO. Conclusion: Gold Coast is meant for couples or groups of friends. Not for mother-daughter duo trips. Actually, hardly any place is good for a mother-daughter duo trip. Ah well.

I MISS SINGAPORE. DAMMIT.

First pit-stop: Tangalooma Wild Dolphin Resort @ Moreton Island.

2008-06-30T20:40:00.004+08:00

Humpback whales.
Bottle-nosed dolphins.
Big fat old cute turtles.
Dugongs.
Shipwrecks.
Beautiful sunrises and sunsets.
Beaches with sand that is cold because of the natural water spring underground.
Sand-surfing.
Quad biking.
Fattening and huge servings of food.
Sleep by 10 pm because everything closes at 9.

The last few points seem a lil sad; like the resort has no life. But the people here are really friendly. We Asians really have no sense of humour, and human-contact friendliness. But really can't blame us entirely. There're still Caucasians who think they're better. And they believe (from Hollywod movies maybe) that Asians are evil people who'll abduct their kids for the fun of it.

But nonetheless, the resort stay was pretty cool. It'll be on my honeymoon itinerary. For now.

The first evening in the Resort, and I see this. OMG. Oh, there was a couple nearby who was making out. But I decided to exclude them in the picture. HA.

1 more day to Aussie.

2008-06-27T03:38:00.002+08:00

OMG. The packing and preparation are blah.

But yeah, I shall hold no expectations for this trip. Other than the fact that the Hillsongs Conference is going to be AWESOMELY FANTASTICALLY exciting!!! Woohoo! :)

BUT SERIOUSLY, I hate the packing stage. Tsk. Darn irritating and frustrating. BLARH.

Lil cute girl in a lil cute dress.

2008-06-24T23:13:00.005+08:00

Seen you grow up since you were a meddlesome lil baby. It's amazing to see how you grew, in size and vanity. Oh, and not to mention, your ever-improving sound-box which never fails to fill granny's house with squeals and screams and whatsoever.

Can't wait to make fun of you when you grow older, with unglam pictures of yourself caught on my cam. Can't wait to see you stress about school and love.

Happy Birthday Rachel. :)

God's will.

2008-06-22T22:58:00.003+08:00

"I know, I haven't been the best-behaving girl lately. I asked for a break-up. But I did ask for Your consent. So that should be alright ya? It's Your will that things turned out this way."

Honestly, the whole God's will thing is very upsetting. I cannot understand any intention other than the motive of pressuring me to think that there's only 1 way out. Which is false. Cause I know God gives many many choices.

Whatever it is.
I'm a single. I've my rights. I've freedom to go out with anyone, and do whatever I want, within limits and morals (and whatever) of course. But still, the whole thought of being given "the benefit of the doubt" is (I'm sorry) disgustingly upsetting. What is that for? I don't need anyone to approve or disapprove my actions. Because in the first place, I don't owe you a justification or reason for anything I do. I only answer to God. And my parents.

Okay, now that I've puked everything out. Feel a lil better. Just needed to let off some steam. I can't believe this is happening. Ridiculous.

God help me.

Photogenic hammie.

2008-06-16T16:42:00.004+08:00

That's Jo's hammie. Was just looking thru random blogs. And there. Hammie's name's Prada. SO CUTE. If I do get a hamster, I'd want it to be as cam-whorish as Prada.

Then again, I tend to get really lazy. So getting a pet now's not a very good idea. Oh well.

Starless sky tonight.

2008-06-15T21:58:00.003+08:00

Quite a few things happened today.

I was running on adrenaline during Youth Service this morning. Or maybe it's the extra burst of strength bestowed on me from above. Whatever it is, I'm thankful for it.

Drank bubble tea, after weeks of deprivation of that, because of the Shanghai trip and Church camp and Worship night. Yup, I was bubble tea-deprived. For quite a while. Haha!

Got a kneecap injury during Netball practice with the guys playing against us. Hate open wounds on the legs. Bathing becomes a dread. But of course, I'll still bathe. Duh.

Had a sumptuous dinner with the folks and grams at Jumbo East Coast. ATE SUPER UBER DUPER MOTHER LOADS OF FOOD. Shiat. I feel fat. But the cereal prawns were awesome. Nuff' said.

Uncle Zen just fell into a coma. It feels quite surreal. But oh well. Praying for him and especially Joshua. Must be pretty hard on him. Sigh.

Twists and turns.

2008-06-13T01:14:00.000+08:00

Dammit.

Life's more peaceful now.

2008-06-11T00:51:00.002+08:00

As compared to the earlier weekend.
Thank you God.

Now, there're other things to worry about.
1. Worship night - Practice, technical run, praying, fasting, repenting.
2. In-deep - Practice, practice, practice, new songs, new songs, new songs.
3. School - Sucky grades. REALLY sucky grades. If you read this, try not to ask me about my grades. Tends to bring my whole day to a complete downcast mood.
4. Ka-ching - Will I ever know how to save up?!?!?!?!??!?! Don't think so.

I just got addicted to Jason Mraz's Geek In The Pink. The whole combi of beats and stuff. Fun. My head never stops bobbing away when it plays continuously. HAHA.

Heart pain.

2008-06-08T17:58:00.002+08:00

Ah well, he's right. Decision's been made. Time to just heal over time.

Sometimes I feel that maybe I was too rash. Oh well. As a consolation, I know that if we're meant to be together at the end of the day, God'll probably bring us around one full circle. If not, then this would turn out to be good for both of us.

I want to tell him that I'll miss the times we've had. The stupid funny stuff we did. Yada yada. But he's right. They're moot points.

Just can't wait for this whole horrifying nightmare thingy to end. ASAP. I want to talk to him again. And laugh at stupid stuff. As friends.

It's over.

2008-06-06T07:08:00.002+08:00

One horrigible conversation.

Started a lil well, ended off on a very. Very. VEry. VERy. VERY bad note.

It's done. Too ugly a scene to take it for granted.

Finally. Singaporean food.

2008-06-06T03:50:00.003+08:00

Shanghai trip & Church camp are over.
Finally can settle down for a bit before end this month.
Amazing how these 2 weeks turned out.

Dear God, please just give me an answer. Like, now. Or at least soon enough.