I didn't leave the house at all today. Whoopee!

For the first time in my whole entire life, I was glad that I could just stay at home the entire day.
This whole week's been really tiring, considering that I didn't really have a good rest since last week. School's time-table is absolutely crazy, esp on an odd week; I just had a 9 am t0 9pm timetable yesterday.

AND, the best part is, I've two projects due in what, 2 weeks?
Have this 2000-word essay which I've to come up with in a month's time.
1st French test's coming up in about 2-3 weeks' time also.
OMG. I missed the slacko wacko days... In JC. Yes, JC was actually slack, as compared to uni. It's so... Individualistic. Every man for himself. Of course, I try to not be so competitive with the friends I met there. But it seems for the VERY FIRST TIME, I seem a lil more efficient than them most of the time. Like, when I asked them if they read certain notes, which I've already did, they didn't even know that the notes were out. GOSH. I'm so nerdy.... AHHHHHHHH. Nightmarish.

Oh yeah, was supposed to go for a statistics lecture this morning. But I felt too sick and tired to get out of bed to go to school in the morning. All 3 tuitions were cancelled/postponed. So I'm just stuck in the study-room trying to get some work done for once.

Yup, it's funny, cause I've been SO busy with school lectures and tutorials and yada yada, that I've never been able to re-read my notes and just revise. There're mid-term tests during mid-Sept, projects, presentations and essays should be done by october, AND semester exams in Nov. WOW. What a tight-fit schedule.

Okay, 'nuf about school-whining. It is fun to some extent. But I think I gotta learn how to take a step back and just chill. I'm practically rushing here and there. But I made quite a few friends. Yay. And some people actually think I'm friendly at 1st sight. What a surprise.

Ah great. Grandma's throwing a tantrum at me. Gosh. First there was a mom to do that. Now that mom's over at aunt's, she takes over the shift. Like, omg. Does if feel good to throw a tantrum or what?!

Thinking of the happy times with you,
Just makes me smile even during the saddest moments in my life.

Alright, a very random thing that just popped up in my wrinkled brain. Ha.

I won't be joining the jazz band after all. Haven't heard from them, so I guess I'm not good enough. How sad. Ah well. I suck.

It's ah neh's birthday today. Happeeeee burfdayeeeee!
We shall meet up real soon okie? Say, this sat or sth? We'll ask Adrian too, he wants to celebrate your birthday. :)
(Alright, fingers crossed that ah neh'll be reading this. HMMMM.)

Something good's supposedly coming soon, according to Shawn. Had a couple of spiritual attacks this week; not sure why. And both happened when I was talking on the phone with Kaw kaw.

Oh oh. I finally met Hana, after like, one whole year of no contact. It was fun. Missed talking to her. Memories of us bitching about EVERY SINGLE THING came into mind. Funny man.

And yes, the people I wanna lunch with in school... SOON.
There's Hana, of course.
Adibah - she's cute. Haha.
Fabian, chee chee, augustus, jun cheng, the archi people la. Well, at least this one I'm liasing with Fabian. So yeah, coolio. Probably lunch next week. OH YESH, I've to contact the rest of the OG. DAMMIT.
KP - Dinner/lunch for my birthday. Gosh. It's gonna be september soon.
Grace -Haven't seen her since the starbucks meet-up.
Jia Hui with Sheryl and the church peeps. But I don't even see them around man. Haha. Oh well.

BUSY BUSY!

I'm 20 now.

I can't believe I've reached the 20 mark. Gosh. Not that I feel old, cause the reality hasn't really kicked in yet. I still feel like a 19-yr-old. Don't know what's the difference though. Haha.

This year's birthday turned out pretty well.

Other than the lil pressies here and there, I feel the love yoz.

Dinner with Pert, Jeremy & Mel was fantastic! Where're the photos guys?!
Oh btw, Mel, if you're reading this, your mag's with me. You left it in Pert's car. :)
Anyhoo, we watched Evan Almighty. OMG. Funny movie man. And it's pretty enlightening too.

Earlier in the afternoon, mom and I went for lunch @ parkway. Went over to Singtel and guess who we bumped into?! Mel and her momma. It was quite fun; the guys serving us were like, looking back and forth btw Mel and me, cause we were just making a whole heck of a din at the counter. Oh yeah, and there was this mio guy. Pretty cute. But he ended up talking to my mom instead. I was too occupied with Mel and the sexy phone I'm about to get. Haha. At least we made eye contact. Ha. For now, I'm starting to think that I'm actually not THAT ugly. Yay.

A whole new twist in my life. Not sure how to explain it. Cause it seems very... Tentative? I don't know.

Post-birthday celebration (27 aug) :
Went shopping from like 2 plus in the afternoon till 8? Got myself a lappie cover, some tops. Got a new greeny appley ring. It's super duper uber nice. Well. That's a gift actually. Dinner was at Fish & Co. Gosh, I spent quite a bit today (as in Monday). Shikes.

Oh damn. I've to wake up early later, at about like, what, 5? Just to prepare for my french tutorial. Sigh. School's really tiring man.

Happy birthday to me!

Yup, it's my birthday for an hour already. Yay. How exciting. I've reached the 20 mark. =)

But while talking to Mel, I'm starting to feel a bit downcast again. Dammit.

Back from godsrockers retreat.

It was good, clean fun. Well, almost.
I had melted marshmallows smeared over my face by some of the guys; my hair felt like it had extremely hard sticky wax applied on it. Ha.

And Ashley's nice enough to buy me a very nice birthday cake. I feel loved. =)

Pert and I were just talking while we were on our way to collect the peeps' lunch from Changi village this afternoon. This year's birthday will probably be very very very mild and low-key, in preparation for next year. Haha. 21st. It's always the most important - The mark of adulthood. Not that I'm still like a kid. Haha.

My mom just re-arranged my cosy wosy study-room. I can finally watch the tv which is in the living room by just turning my head leftwards. BUT, mom took down the curtains. I hate that my windows are bare. Can't wait to have em up again.

Oh yeah, we're going to go sign up for the MIO thingy tmr. YES! Finally. At least I can stop leeching. And I can stay online forever and ever and ever. Without being cut off occasionally. AND without feeling scared about some stranger suing/charging me to court for using his network.

Freakin' tired from the retreat actually. But I kinda wish I can stay up till at least 12 am tonight. Then I can wish myself happy birthday before anyone else does. HAHAHA.
Yup, turning 20 soon. I've come a LOOOONG way.

Just some people I want to thank for being w me along all these years, and this year especially.

There's Pert. Yeah. How long have we like, been god-siblings? Gosh. VERY LONG. Haha. It's been my utmost pleasure, really. It would not be the same if I lived these few years without having you to guide me along the way. Thanks for always being the more practical and sensible one. Remember what you promised me this afternoon ya. Next year's 26th august is the deadline okie? ONE and STABLE. Haha. I've faith you can do it. No worries. Don't look for it; it'll look for you.

There's Mel too. We just celebrated our 1 yr 'anniversary' during the tertiary retreat eh? =) It's been fun. I've learnt a lot alongside you and I hope you did too. Be very assured that I'll always be here for you, alright? But anyway, I'm really glad that you've a good job and a loving boyfriend you're constantly excited about.

Grace, Lucas & Ah Neh: Well well well. I hope you guys can actually see a lil change in me this year. At least we meet up more often? =) Honestly, I'm really glad that I still have you guys as my close friends from JC. It's always been a sad trend for me and my past school friends to somehow lose contact. So yes. I know I made you guys worry at times. Forgive me for that. I'm not really good at keeping pacts eh? Haha. Anyway, yes, bottomline, you guys rock.

Kaw kaw: I never knew a toy can create such a big impact in my life. Haha. I miss you, now that I know I can't get to play with you as often as I could in the past. Ah well. At least I've your picture? =) Oh, and it's a pity that you couldn't meet Humper and Snail-whale. Tough luck. Haha.

Big Mama: Thanks for all those free rollering lessons. And being ever so 'patient' with me. Well, I'm just really glad to have you around to let me whine about anything and everything, anywhere and anytime. Haha. No thanks for the unnecessary cut on my lip though. Haha. No hard feelings, don't worry. You just owe me dinner! =) Roller soon okie! And the next time I won't fall, promise. Guarantee plus chop. And don't worry too much, I'll pray that you'll get your dream job really really soon. In the meantime, do productive stuff, like... I don't know, exercising, running, resting? Haha.

Jiao Per: Dude, until now, I still don't understand the whole meaning behind your nick. Ah well, not that it matters alot. It sounds funny; that's all that matters. Heh. Anyway, hope I haven't been irritating you very much. I wish I was taller actually, so at least when we talk, the sound wavelengths from either of us can reach the other. Thanks for being around to whatever-back me all the time. It's funny to see you act gay and bimbotic. But I guess for you, it's not much of an act, RIGHT? HAHAHAHAHA. Kidding.

For the rest, You know who you are, KP, Kez, Ron, Eugene, etc etc. I can't think anymore now, my brain's like... Switched off already. But bottomline: I'm really thankful that God planted each and every one of you in my life. We may have been through good times, bad times or maybe both, but I guess God had a purpose for letting me know everyone of you. Thanks for sticking around. =) Love you guys!

Gosh, does this sound like a suicide letter or what. Haha. No worries everyone, it's a birthday speech. See, Pert? I got a speech. But yeah la. Abit late, considering we cut the cake this afternoon. But, better than nothing right?

Everything's like how it was last year.

Alright, it's a bit different, with school going now and lots of church, school and friends' activities coming along the way.

At least it'll occupy me for a while. I'll need all the activities I can get to fill up my mind at this point of time.

By far, this is the hardest for me to swallow.
The first one, which happened last year, 2 weeks before my birthday (yet again.) was sad. But at least I was ready to give it up anytime.
After that were just stupid experiments I tortured myself with mentally and emotionally. That's why, when they ended, I felt alot happier, alongside the shitty feeling that I wasted time and money and intelligence. Haha.

I'm just pretty much sore. Alright, maybe that sounds a bit of an over-statement.
It's like, there's this sour feeling inside of me whenever I see happy couples down the road... Even in NUS. Like, COME ON, couples being touchy during lectures?! Gosh. Not that I'm jealous. Okay, that's beside the point. Hahahaha.

Talking to Jeremy just now obviously didn't help much. Not that it's his fault. I just felt more upset with myself.
Why the heck did I get myself into such a situation?
The only thing I'm grateful about, is that we're still talking.
I wish I can be more indifferent about it, like how he does it.