HTC Dream.

My dream phone.

Ever since Wayne got his HTC 3G.
It's thick. But I still think it's super cool.

And my Samsung died-ed on me two weeks ago. AND I'm using Wayne's aunt's spare phone. AND I dropped it once. Like, flat on the ground. Fortunately the screen didn't get scratched (THANK YOU GOD). But I think the sides are abit dented. OH NOOOOOO.

I'm so stressed. The last thing I need right now, is buying a new phone for the aunt because I damaged her spare phone.

I need MY own phone. NOW. Or really soon.
It really feels horrid having to worry about the phone's welfare because it's someone else's. And the stress adds on when the owner of that phone is your boyfriend's relative.

The Judas Test

Another cool devotional entry from the cool Prime Time With God. I love the title. Like, PRIME TIME NEWS. Red alert red alert.
Alright. Straying off. Getting back to the main point.

"If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God" (Ps. 55:12-14).

Betrayal is one of the most difficult tests that we will ever face because it involves being wounded by someone we trust. It's hard not to become bitter when a friend or family member wounds us. It takes a lot of Christ-like grace to forgive a traitor.

You have probably faced the Judas Test yourself. Everyday you and I work in a marketplace that is rife with betrayal, deception, duplicity, and treachery. Perhaps you have been betrayed by your boss or a coworker. Or perhaps somebody betrayed a confidence or stabbed you in the back. It may have even been someone you've gone to church with or prayed with - someone you trusted as a brother in Christ.

The Judas kiss stings worse than a slap across the face. Almost every leader I know has experienced that sting at one time or another. Yet God is watching to see how we respond to the Judas Test. If we pass the test, He can then take us to the next level, the next test. If we fail, we'll probably have to repeat the test until we learn to forgive.

The Judas Test is God's graduate level course in faith, designed to reveal the truth about ourselves: Are we willing to trust Him enough to forgive the Judases in our lives? The book of Hebrews warns, "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many" (Heb 12:15). When we refuse to forgive we risk infecting others with a "bitter root" of resentment.

Dear God, please help me to forgive.
And to seek forgiveness if necessary.
Most importantly, I pray that you grant me wisdom and love and patience and logic. So I won't piss people off in the first place.
Amen.

A whole new week to become a better person for God. Gambatei!

Let go and let God.

How hard it is to do that really.
I cannot stand the possibility of not being able to go learn more at the conference.
I've put in so much effort to plan beforehand.
And I will do anything (morally upright) to go.

But yes, God's right. Honour your parents.
BUT I still hope somehow God speaks to them and make them wake up their idea.

Anyway. I just realised Joey's back in Melbourne. I didn't even meet up with her for lunch. :(:(:( I feel bad. Sorry Joey.

And recess week didn't feel like a recess week. No break. Just project meetings and work and more project meetings. I seriously hope I do well this semester. Despite the slight hiccup (the period of sickness). Man, I was getting the momentum. Now I gotta start the engine running again.

Supper at Blk 85 was gooooooood. But I think I should stop supper-ing before I start putting on weight again. Haha!

He is definitely not a man of God.

The reason why I don't feel safe at home. I knew it. He is not right. There's something wrong with him.

Right now, I'm on the verge of a war with them. I just don't understand why it has to come to this.

"Since you can't find anyone from church to go with you to Hillsong Conference, your dad said that you can't go for Hillsong... No big deal, I'll just pay you back for the ticket."

And here I am, really believing their promise that if I save up myself I can go for the Hillsong Conference. They broke their promise. Yet again. I am utterly crushed and disappointed.

HE just comes up with countless STUPID reasons to stop me from going to the conference. And SHE tells me only after months of planning, despite my constant information updates.

They don't know me. They don't trust me.
It's not about gaining trust. Because I will never get it. Because I don't deserve it.
And thus, I know this. That they don't love me.

Don't say that I'm just being childish. Because you don't know them for who they really are. Their home and church behaviour are like the north and south poles. So don't ever tell me that I need to gain their trust. I have tried. My hardest. It's their problem now. No matter how much I try to improve, they will never get it.

My parents don't know me.
Even when I am turning 22.
Even when I try to be filial or neutral at least, with him.

Please get me out of this God. Just send me to Zimbabwe or Africa or something. Send me away from the family of denial.

Happy birthday Wayno bueno!

It's recess week.

Time to catch up with school work!
WORK WORK WORK!

Anyway, it was awesome having Ps Matt Fielder in CMC. Awesome sermon.

Can't wait for July. Muahahahahahahahahaha!
It's just brain-wrecking to figure out accomodation. If De Xin and her friend are going to Melbourne as well, then it should be more convenient. It's hard to find accomodation if only Wayne and I are going alone. Like, staying in separate houses. Then we have to set a time to meet every single morning for a week. So weird. Not even sure how it's going to work, if the people over there are having holidays.

Ah heck. I'm sure God has a good plan at the end. I'll just get this semester over and done with first. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me do well, God.
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.