The reason why I don't feel safe at home. I knew it. He is not right. There's something wrong with him.
Right now, I'm on the verge of a war with them. I just don't understand why it has to come to this.
"Since you can't find anyone from church to go with you to Hillsong Conference, your dad said that you can't go for Hillsong... No big deal, I'll just pay you back for the ticket."
And here I am, really believing their promise that if I save up myself I can go for the Hillsong Conference. They broke their promise. Yet again. I am utterly crushed and disappointed.
HE just comes up with countless STUPID reasons to stop me from going to the conference. And SHE tells me only after months of planning, despite my constant information updates.
They don't know me. They don't trust me.
It's not about gaining trust. Because I will never get it. Because I don't deserve it.
And thus, I know this. That they don't love me.
Don't say that I'm just being childish. Because you don't know them for who they really are. Their home and church behaviour are like the north and south poles. So don't ever tell me that I need to gain their trust. I have tried. My hardest. It's their problem now. No matter how much I try to improve, they will never get it.
My parents don't know me.
Even when I am turning 22.
Even when I try to be filial or neutral at least, with him.
Please get me out of this God. Just send me to Zimbabwe or Africa or something. Send me away from the family of denial.
