Headache Thursday.

It feels like someone banged my head against the wall the night before.
My head feels so heavy and sour.

Just met up with Shawn P to get the laptop back.
He seems like he's doing very well. Apparently he's going to get a car early next year. Looks like he's earning a bit from LFI.
He's also dating. A junior from MJ. Haha. Whaddya know...
Hmmm.. What else. He's alot wiser and street-smart now. Never knew that he'd turn out this way.
Well, today was like a bad day for me, so he caught me when I was all shagged-ded out.
I've always thought of this way - I'll look my best whenever I meet an ex. It's human nature right?
He still thinks I suck at time management, since I spend alot time with my coolest church friends and school. Apparently, I missed out on alot of MJ stuff.

Seriously, I don't really care. Grace is right. Why bother spending time on people whom you know you aren't going to be close to at the end of the day. So, I made a mental note on people whom I'm going to try to put more effort on. But that's after this whole school shit is done in dec.

I know Clement's going to be back for a while in dec. So that's gd news. Grace and ah neh and lucas are going to be top priority; they are the closest friends I've got from school. Maybe my secondary school friends too, like Meixi and Lee See. SIGH...
Of course, not forgetting the church friends. It always sounds weird to other people whenever they hear about how much time I spend in church and with the friends from church. It's like... the norm for me now. They aren't just church friends anymore. I don't know how to say this, but yeah, they're humans too what. Not much difference really.

And was he really expecting me to be single?! Haha. Now that's a first.

I need a HOLIDAY.

Like, away from school. Away from everything I've known in this life.

Just that, I've to get over my exams FIRST. And the presentations. And the dreadful mugging shiat.

You feel ok, no, not ok. Like, HAPPY, for the last few days. You try with little effort to not be concerned about what's happening over at the other side, which turned out to be very successful. Then suddenly, you see it coming. And you get your hopes up just a bit for a while. THEN, the whole uno block just crumbles down again.
Dammit.

I don't want to stay up late anymore. The later I stay up, the more frustrated I'll get.
Thank goodness there was heroes tonight to watch. Made things a wee bit easier for me to handle, I think.

Lots of things changed. Priorities, friends, school. Blah blah blah.
What took me so long to figure those things out?!?!?!?! My gosh.

This is the 100th post.

COOOL.

Anyhoo.
Went for growth 'meeting' earlier tonight.
And I learnt important things.

Whatever you're meant to do, you will do it. Even if you go the other way, you'll come around to the exact point God wants you to be at.
If it's meant to be, it will be.
And whatever I learnt, I must put into practice. Or else it will all come to naught.

I think I've learnt all these before. But they never really drilled right into my brain till today.
Whatever the man said just now is very applicable to many many many aspects of different people's lives. It's so specific, yet so general. Okay, that sentence didn't really make sense. Haha.
But I'm glad that I went for it, thanks to Rulin and Jasper and Kevin and Sam Choo. Heh.

Today was quite a happy day. I miss him, but it's a happy-miss-him mood. Fingers crossed, I'm getting over the emo-momo barrier. I'd rather miss someone in a happy way than miss the same person in a sad sulky way. It makes life a WHOLE lot easier.

Anyhoo. Gotta study Statistics for a bit while my nice-smelling washed hair dries up a bit.
Going to church tomorrow to once-and-for-all finish my song.

Oh. And I want to buy more dresses. And some shirts. And maybe a new pair of jeans. And probably some new bag.
Ah well. Wait till next month. Gotta save up. Dammit.

Roast duck.

I love Humper.
But seriously,
roast duck from Fu house is like... Fwah. It is pretty good.
And the mash potato's nicer than Spize's, and this one doesn't have sauce on it.

Nice nice.

Christmas seems a lil dreadful now.
He may not be coming back after all.

OH WELL. :)

At least I got my song up! Like, it's kinda done with editing and all.
Hopefully it goes through well w Earl and Pastor Edmund.
But Kevin said it's hard to play.
REALLY MEH... Hyuk Hyuk.

Okay... Bad night last night.

But I'm alot better now.
:)

ANYHOO..
I'm studying at this National Library near Bugis.
Seriously, the study lounge is WAY TOO FREAKIN SMALL.
The reference libraries are SO HUGE. Loads of tables and electrical input thingies.
BUT, not allowed to bring in notes and textbooks. WTH!!!!!!
Man. No brains la.

Okay. But the whole surrounding's nice. Peaceful. And nice. Kekekeke.
And I'm alone. Peace and quiet. Only got a few people here and there on this 11th level.
But it's cool. Less stressful, since I don't see other students coming in here to mug and study.
HAHAHHAHA.

It just doesn't seem fair.

Okay, good news first. Prayed really hard before this morning's test. And I aced it to some extent. Well, definitely not by my ability, considering I only studied the morning itself for like, less than 2 hours. So yeah, definitely by God's grace.

I hate it whenever night comes. Cause I tend to get a lil down and emo and tired whenever the clock strikes 8 and beyond.

Was just talking to Andy (mentor from YMLC. Yes, I'm still in contact with some YMLC people. Miraculously.) about prayer requests.
And I just realised the pretty unreasonable circumstances I've been put under recently.

During the weekend, there wasn't a single buzz from him, because he's just really busy.
But not even an sms? It doesn't take more than a minute really. Like, a 30-cents sms shouldn't hurt right, since you can call your friends every now and then just to ask if they're at the lecture hall you're in. Is it really a lot to ask for? Am I really being the unreasonable one here?

I can empathize with the fact that since everything may still seem new and foreign, the person needs time to adjust and all. And Andy constantly reminds me that. Haha. :)
But it seems like there's no space for me in his life. And that really scares me. Is this how it's going to be like for the next three years when he's over there? How long more is he going to act so nonchalant about things? How long more can I take this?

I don't know if whatever I write here and now is fair to him. But since we won't be able to talk anytime soon (and it seems like it's going to stay like this for quite a long time), I guess I'm left to make my own conclusions. I wished there was somewhere else I can just vent my anger at, so I can just stop barfing everything here all the time.
I'd hate for him to start thinking that I'm trying to be all self-pitiful to get his attention and all that. Cause the only reason why I'm writing all these down's to just try to pull everything out from my mind. And maybe, just maybe, I'll feel better about things. After looking at whatever I wrote, I'm supposed to scold myself, "Why're you so worried?! Cut him some slack. You know you're just making things worse for him. Just stop being stuck on him. Get on with life, will ya."

Colin and Mark are right. He's a free bird.

I have to learn.

He is more than enough for me.
Other things that He's given me are just blessing bonuses.

I've to learn how to live my life out as my own.
No more depending on other sources. They may not last.
I guess it's time to get used to life as it is now.

This time I'll do it. Keep my eyes on Him and I'll be fine. Guarantee plus chop.
Kampatei.

He’s Crazy about You
If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.
Whenever you want to talk, He’ll listen.
He can live anywhere in the universe, but He chose your heart.
What about the Christmas gift He sent you in Bethlehem; not to mention that Friday at Calvary.
Face it, He’s crazy about you.
Max Lucado, from “A Gentle Thunder”

Love love from God.

IKEA. :)

There's sth about IKEA that I love.

Like, the wood smell.
Their paper bags.
The weird but FANTASTIC combination taste of swedish meatballs with jam and sauce.
Their ever so creative furniture and lil stuffs here and there.
Their way of organisation - the whole hall used up just to store bits and pieces of furniture for customers to self-pick.
Yada yada...

I felt really happy today going there. Maybe it's also the memories of my childhood too.
I used to go there really often. Not for the food (I didn't know the meatballs were GOOD till this year.), not for the furniture, but for their dedication to take care of lil kids when parents go around shopping. I LOVE that part. Can still rmb watching this really cute cartoon with tons of other kids beside me. And the whole plastic balls area.

SIGH.
Memories.
I was a spoilt brat then. Keke.

My future house is going to be IKEA-oriented. As in, like, wood and simple feel. I like!

Supper time. But today Spize's closed, due to Hari Raya. Dammit.

I wish.

I wish I can just throw like, a cup or like, a glass thing.

Need to vent my anger and frustration out.
Before it kills me inside.

Doesn't help that I don't get to talk much.

ARGH.
I shall just leave it. Nothing much I can do really.
It's up to life.

Blk 85.

It was Ba-chor night tonight.
There were chicken wings... Satay... Ba-chor mee... Stingray... Oyster omelette... Carrot cake... Ah balling, which I don't like.

Oh well. But it was FUN!

Met grace today after school. She got me a pretty red daisy. Happy happy.

I wanna go to Vivocity again soon. The wading pool place is very peaceful. I like... Heheheh.

Shocker monday.

Well, first and foremost, my dad's actually debt-free now. And interestingly, he's collecting money back from the people who owed him. HMMMM. I never bothered to find out about whatever he's doing.

Oh, and yes, I think he's turning Buddhist or something. I saw this string of beads he put on mom's bedroom door. Like, WTH.

And for the FIRST freakin time in the last decade, he gave me some money to spend. Like, not some some, like very some. Not in the thousands figures la, but yea. OMG. Shocker.

Coincidentally, I got mom to get me a new pair of specs. Puma specs. Pretty cool stuff. At first I was checking out the lacoste ones, but the puma one just looks SOOO nice... And sporty. So yay. Can't wait to get my hands on it on Friday.

Pretty obvious that my mom's delirious abt him being back in Singapore. Well, it's reasonable. I mean, having a non-existent husband for almost a decade or something. Then out of nowhere, he appears back into the the picture.

Oh yeah, he's abstaining from pork. Maybe he's turning Halal. Like, muslim.
Sigh.
Why does he have to make EVERYTHING so bloody complicated?!

Okay, I'm exhausted from school and family for today. Need to sleep and recharge before I completely burn out.

Still taking things easy as they come along. I'm more at peace for now. Hopefully this feeling will stay on.

OH OH OH! Hillsongs conference. Apparently mom says dad wants to bring granny to aussie to visit my cousin. Then, from there, I'll go for Hillsongs. And I think I'll want to visit Clement before going back. Here's the down side, I've to meet up with my family again to go back. Sigh. I wanna like, try taking a plane back myself. Like, just hook up with a total stranger and just talk and talk and talk... Till the plane lands in Singapore. Oh well, don't wanna think too much abt this for now. Everything's so freakin' tentative.

One thing's for sure: Dec is SO gonna rock this year. Woohoo! Can't wait.
Time really passed so quickly for the past few months. Many many many things happened.

Okay, getting random. I need my sleep.

Dear Fab,

Someone just told me,
"It's never easy when two people get together, because we all have different expectations and opinions about issues. And one aspect of being a couple is to sort them out. After that, the relationship will just grow to become a lot stronger."

Well, the words happened to dawn upon me like some kind of enlightenment. :)

In reality, it has only been two weeks since you've left, but it feels like a million decades to me.
Every little thing I see down the road just reminds me of you. I smile because of the happy memories. But it's a sad smile, because you're not here with me anymore.

I'm sorry for the earlier bitch-fit, and I'm terribly thankful that you kept the promise which you made right before you left.

That's why I decided to post this up, just for you.

I can't promise you that I'll be perfectly fine with anything (bad in particular) that is going to happen in the future. You know it yourself; it is going to be a long and arduous way ahead before you finally settle down in Singapore.
But I love you.
Nothing else matters right?

I really can't wait to see you again in Christmas. It'll be the best Christmas gift yet.


Missing you,
Di

Deers are messengers of God.

Or so the people in heroes say.
Haha.

Reminds me of Fabian's As The Deer interpretative dance.

I'm pretty screwed up this week.

Have an essay to START writing and the deadline's Monday. About 2000 words. Not so bad right. At least I got my bullet points out. OKAY, I've to STOP being so complacent.

Have a presentation to give today... At 7 pm. And I'm staying up because I've to do some readings about marsony walls and construction. DAMN.

What else do I have to do.

Oh yes, a marketing proposal for Nutri-something.
And I need to find more contacts.
But this I'll leave it to next week. Studies first, then CCA.

OMG.
I've to write a song too. Fun fun. Stay close to Him; I'm trying.

BUSY BUSY BUSY BUSY.

And I'm exhausted. Like, mentally. School's so gruelling. And it's only the FIRST sem, for freak's sake. I need a holiday.

Somehow there's this 'itching' at the back of my mind. Like, I don't feel at peace when I've so many things to settle and everything's like... Half done and half not done, that kinda thing.
Argh.

I need to exercise. Or like, swim or tan at the very least. Falling sick.
And I have to get over it. Can't keep worrying about this and that; I can't do anything about em anyway. SIGH.
I wonder how Audrey does it. Haha. Ah well. Go figure.