:(

I lost my first and only swatch watch. :(

It's been with me through so much. Sigh. The thought of it being with someone else just sucks.
If I bought it myself, it won't be so bad. But it was a birthday gift from the granny.

ARGH! I hate myself for being so freakin' careless. Dammit.

Who to believe?!

The mom was laughing about it, saying that the dad was just exaggerating. The dad, on the other hand, thinks it's actually serious. Hmm. I think I shall be on the mom's side on this. But I'm glad it didn't turn out so horrifyingly.

Celebrated Maeyan & Nate's birthdays. Well, Nate's one was last night. Maeyan was earlier today. Shiat. Now I feel broke-ded. And I think I miscalculated. Since one of the guys kinda pulled out, which means I won't be getting any cent from him, that would mean that I've to absorb that portion. SIGH. Ah well. But yeah la, kinda my fault; he didn't confirm that he wanted to join in. Blargh.

Mid-sem's break doesn't feel like a break. I feel even busier, having to juggle one extra tuition (my stewpid cousin) and the dad-send-off this week. AND, to add on, due to the temptation of ka-ching, I'm looking forward to a 3-rehearsals-a-week-for-the-month-of-March for this production Liting is in charge of. AH....................................

I'm so dead, right? Right.

Singapore 2010.

Yay. Singapore got it. :)

Quite happy although it probably has nothing to do with me. Finally, maybe the ang mohs will realise we're not a city in China or something. Heh.

Have been listening to Diana Krall's songs, including her christmas songs. SIGH. I miss Christmas. Christmas, to me, is even more romantic than Valentine's Day. And it holds a very important significance - Jesus' birthday!

Anyhoo. my mid-sem break's screwed. I've hardly time to study. Shiat man. I SO WANNA DROP THAT TUITION WITH THAT IRRITATING GIRL. UGH.

I feel so bloated these days. And nauseous. But I've cut down SO freakin' much on food. SIGH. I think something's wrong with me. AH WELL.

Lunch date finally settled.

After much prolonging, Danielle and I have finally fixed a lunchtime date. :) Yay. How exciting. I've no idea what we're going to be talking abt, since we haven't contacted each other since secondary school graduation. But heck. I'm just happy that we've finally met again, after that stewpid stewpid stewpid girl bitch here and there thing. Haha.

We've been best friends since primary one. Can still remember having spaghetti at her place one morning before we left for school together. And times when we'll just fight over stickers we gave each other. SIGH. That part of childhood was definitely THE best part I'll have for life, considering that the rest of my childhood's pretty dysfunctional. Kinda sad that I missed out alot in her life. But oh well. Time to make up for it! :)

Thank God for Mid-sem break.

I didn't even know that we had a mid-sem break till my friend told me about it. Heh. Shows how much I check my IVLE modules' lesson plan stuff.

Finally, I tried to finish some work to lighten my workload so that I can focus a lil more on the revision. Haven't been able to do that for the past 2 weeks because of my stewpid sluggishness.

It took me a while to figure this out. But yes, it's time to work hard during the weekdays (Together with tuitions. Blah.) so that during the weekends, I don't have to worry so much about school. That's what Weitin and I concluded upon while we were walking to FASS.

In NUS, I think we've to walk a mother-long distance to anywhere and everywhere, not to mention squeeze into the stewpid shuttle buses with loads of smelly people during peak periods. Yes, we have peak periods. Every 2 hr interval in the day has a peak period of 10-15 minutes. HAHA. :) It sounds fun. But being squashed up against people you never want to be in the 100m radius of is sadistic. And stupid.

You know all those inconsiderate CBD workers who rush into trains despite knowing (I trust that they actually have the brains to figure this out.) people have to get out FIRST before they can enter? I bet a bulk of them came from NUS. And maybe NTU. And maybe SMU too. The worst kiasu behaviours can be seen in NUS itself, with people, guys and girls alike, trying to push one another aside just to try to squeeze themselves into the right position, which is the front of the bus door. The only reason why I'm so irritated with this now, is because I was pushed from being in the front of queue to the extreme back of it. FANTASTIC intellectuals.

Ah well. Maybe we need more shuttles? And smaller people around in NUS. Heh. That's why, I'm trying to lose weight myself. So I can squeeze myself into lil spaces people of an average large size cannot squeeze into. Like, in a shuttle, a small gap between two girls who probably hate each other, cause they just left this gap between them.

OMG. I'm talking so much crap here.
But yes. I'm trying to lose weight. Slap me if I eat any fried food in front of you.

Hmmm. I take back the last statement. I may eat some fried food, depending on the circumstances I'm in. :)

Having siblings are fun can.

Okay, from a parent's point of view, it's expensive to bring up a kid. Particularly in Singapore.

BUT. Last night I saw Ian, Ray and Shaun bitching away. HAHAHA.
So lub. Heh.

I want a sister to bitch with too. At least can share stuff. Sucks being an only kid.
People keep insisting that being an only kid gives you more privileges. But, in my family, those privileges are not present.

HAHA.
I'm just glad that I'm finally turning 21 this year. Can still remember being sixteen and wishing that I could grow up asap and then move out of the house. Now that I'm older, I guess Pert's right. I'll not move out. Laundry issue is one problem. :)

Now it's happening to me.

All those tv drama series stuff about family people dying from operations/cancer illnesses.

This time, I'm not the by-stander. S.A Tan has finally knocked on my door with that thing. Or so called, God decided that I should go through and experience this thingy. Not an exciting chapter of my life really.

And I thought FINALLY, this year was going to be a good one. Cause seriously, I've never had a good year. First was family politics on both sides, then comes the disappearance and the debts. Next was the re-appearance of family members from abroad. And now. This. On my 21st year. I'll never get it good I guess.

The thought of having both of them gone is just scary.

"If anything happens to us, just stand firm okay?"

I'm just surprised how calm I was when he told me about it. And she actually made him promise not to tell me.

Bottomline: I think my tolerance level is pretty high. Considering that I was made to go through it all.

Ah well. I don't even know what to say whenever I see them.
Everything just seems so uncertain now. I wish I could just not be human. Being an angel will be alot better. No family to worry about. Just have to follow orders and do stuff, according to the name given to me. Like the angel of death. Or the angel of childbirth. Yada yada.

As much as they can be a pain sometimes, I really hope they'll turn out fine.
I just want to have a wedding where they'll be present at, smiling and crying at the same time, you know, like in normal wedding scenes and all. I want him to walk me down the aisle and like, have a father-daughter dance during the dinner. I want her to be there happily crying cause she has finally gotten rid of her spoilt brat and passed her on to an unlucky man. And I want them to take care of my kids; I cannot stand a baby crying for more than five minutes. I haven't even learnt how to make certain dishes, like you know, recipes passed down from one generation to the next? I don't even know how to use the washing machine, for goodness' sake.

It's not too much to ask for, right?

My whole family loves dodoo.

It's just so adorable. Heh. My granny's pretty enthusiastic about it; she was chuckling while commenting how petitely cute it is.

The so-called anti-v day party turned out to be pretty cool. Fun. Good food and drinks, good games like Taboo. We had to speak in Mandarin. Haha!!!! It was such a funny sight. No wonder the Singapore government keeps pushing the speak good mandarin campaign thing to our generation. Oh well. :)

Today was fun.

And I got a rose. Thank you James!

I'm so glad tmr's a free day. Gotta catch up with loads of stuff, particularly school work. Have been going through post-CNY syndrome, with symptoms like sluggishness and binging. HAHA!

Finally!!!

After walking to the tuition kid's place to teach her, I walked to the Bedok public gym to work my lard out. :) Yay.

There may be tennis lessons offered at the tennis courts near the Bedok gym. So yay! Finally, I may have found something not as boring as jogging along the track or road or even better, the treadmill.

I had to resort to counting the no. of cars and buses that drove past in order to feel less bored while running on the treadmill. Time seems to pass ever so slowly when I jog on the tready. Haha. At least I tahan-ed for a much longer time. I even cycled too. Oh well. It's the weighing machine which made me feel sad after the whole work-out.

SIAN man. I feel so loser-ish.

OH WELL. At least I stopped bah-kwa-ing. Heh.

Nagger.

My mom has returned to her old ways. She's returning to the "blame-Diana-for-everything" phase. SIGH.

Maybe I'm just unhappy with her attitude la. Privacy-invading stewpid habit crept up again. I think I'll have to hide away my phone just in case she decides to be a bitch again.

I don't see any problem now for her, really. Her hubby's back, the debts are cleared, and all she has to do now, is just work and pay off normal bills like a normal Singaporean citizen. But she still complains as much. Self-pity again I guess?

AH WELL.

What can I say. I can only pray and hope I won't end up like her when I have my family. I think I've already outgrown the "OMG, look at me, I'm so pitiful." phase.

My heart is like, flipping.

Not in a happy excited way. But it feels... Sour-ish? Like, a lil sad. Don't know if any one felt this way before. But it's like, I'm trying to look okay but I'm definitely not feeling that way. As much as I don't want to feel this way. It just happens, you know.

I don't know what exactly is making me feel upset. It's definitely not the lunar new year ang pow ka-ching.

Either I don't know the reason... Or, I actually subconsciously know what's upsetting me, but I just don't want to admit it. Sigh.

Funny. I feel like crying. But I don't even know what the heck it is for.

This is getting nowhere. Ah well. I'd like to call it just a down night. But.

Over-spent. Uh-oh.

I'm done for the month. No more shopping at shopping centres... And online too. Haha.

I only saved half the amount of money I planned out to save. AH WELL. Hopefully the ang pow ka-ching can help make up for it. :)

I ended up not going to today's only tutorial. It was a horrid 12-2 pm. Was cussing and swearing (figurative way of speech).

I'm still trying out the dieting. Lessening on food, particularly fried food. Same goes for ba-kwah. A lil early to say if I really cut down on the new year snacks and all. HAHA. My goal for these few days - Cut down on snacks, drink more tea. Hot tea. HAHAHA! Nah, I think green tea should be alright.

Hokai. Happy lunar new year to all. May the visitings... And the snackings begin! WOOHOO!

:)

I went shopping myself today. Got the stuff I wanted in 2 hours flat.

That's the major advantage of shopping alone. Although you don't have people telling you whether you look nice in whatever you wanted to try on, I guess it was alright today. I felt happy. And I didn't snack. I only bought mineral water to hydrate myself.

But I think the clothes I bought don't really feel very CNY-ish.

Heck it. I love them.

And I'm glad that I didn't end up buying stuff every girl would buy typically. Not my style. HEHEHE. No la. I don't look nice in that kinda... Standard colour stuff. Ok, I don't know how to explain it so never mind.

I'm so happy I've found another quirky and vintage shop to indulge myself next time round. Yay!

I've only a hundred bucks.

To shop for my new year clothes, no thanks to mom.

OH WELL.

For a person who only looks reasonably nice in certain types of clothes, this is pretty bad news. I don't look flattering in most types of clothing. OH WELL.

My dad just told me about this SQ pilot diet. Don't know if there's really such a thing. But oh well. No harm trying. The diet seems pretty interesting. Hopefully I can lose 10 kg in a month. HAHA! Or so my dad says.


Today the speaker talked about father's love, which kinda converged to forgiving people and letting go of hurts. So I guess this entry is a reply to my last entry. I need to forgive. And let go. And believe that God has planned something absolutely fantastically fabulously awesome, specially just for me. :)

Fung Jen just asked me about what I'm intending to work as after my studies finish (in 4 years).
HAHA. Well... I don't know. Here's what I will not work as:

Desk-bound job - I rather work and walk around most of the time in my power high-heels than to end up being some financial officer bound to a desk in a bank. You know, if you look just a lil closely, MOST of the CBD female workers have that horrigible waist problem. Like, when they wear high skirts, they have something protruding out. Gross. I don't EVER EVER want to be like that. Hmmm... That would mean... I can't be a marketing comms worker then.

Tai-tai - It sounds tempting initially. BUT, I think loads of husbands cheat on wives who end up as tai-tais. Oh well. My opinion. But anyhoo, I'd rather be a working wife. At least share the financial burden with my hubby. Or else he'll be so stressed with being the only breadwinner, then he'll end up becoming a wife-beater or sth, cause he thinks that maybe he has the right to.

Zoo-keeper - I like visiting the zoo. BUT, the smell. REALLY. Turns. Me. Off. No doubt I love the animals. They're all special in their own special way. :)

The only job prospect I can think of right now, is being a PR officer working in a hotel. Or in the IR sector. Or in some firm. Hmm... I need to widen my scope on the available jobs open to me in the real society. :)

Big poof.

Sigh. It sucks when people make your future prospects seem so dim and dull.

"You're just going to be ordered around by people..."
"You're definitely doing sai-gang man. Manage and talk to the construction workers."
BLAH BLAH BLAH.

It sucks even more, particularly with ignorant people who aren't doing very well academically to begin with. They're the kind of people who pretend to know it all but actually they know absolutely nuts about nothing.

It sucks THE most, when some jerks think they're so smart that they've the right to look down on other people.

It did cross my mind to tell them to knock it off, since it kinda hurts a bit. But oh well. Who am I to stop them? They have their own opinions. It is a new course after all; not much prestige, other than the fact that it is a NUS degree.

Imagine being surrounded by the following people - An army soldier about to ORD (I think), a smart-ass who's going to study law in NUS, a teacher at HCI with his wife, a designer with an outstanding portfolio which I will never be able to create in my lifetime, and an about-to-enlist-to-NDU arsehole who thinks his hospitality diploma is damn fantastic.

I do respect the HCI teacher for the longest time, so his making-fun-of-my-studies-and-career-prospects was considered sound advice, though he was laughing while commenting,

SIGH. Thinking about it makes me want to just stop going to church tomorrow. Have to face that law student early in the morning for a meeting somemore. Great.

I guess I'm really that useless. Oh well. Of course I hope and pray (real hard) that when I'm done with my studies, I'll get this fantastic job prospect which will just shut the stupid know-it-all-idiots' mouths.

:( It's just discouraging. And it hurts pretty badly. Like, hello, this is what I'm going to study for the next few years. It's bad enough that I deferred for a year. Thanks for just making me feel worse about myself.

I was actually hoping that I can talk to someone about it when I got home. But I don't even think he knows what the heck I'm studying. He probably thinks I'm a loser too. Oh well. What a great way to end a day and start the next.