Maybe it's because I slept till 3 pm this afternoon. Haha. But I had this massive headache for the whole morning. I could literally hear my heart and brain throbbing away whenever there was silence.
Anyway. The dream. It was a combination of dreams and nightmares. About things I should never attempt to do in real life. I can't remember all the things that happened in the dream, but the 2 things which I can vividly remember are enough to freak me out. The first was kissing a guy whom I should never kiss again, and the other was shouting at some unknown band consisting of 3 keyboardists and a worship leader (all don't exist in real life) on-stage, in church, in front of the congregation.
After that, the dream was all nice and happy, but I can't remember the rest. It's the freaking stuff which I can remember.
As much as I want to start writing songs again, I think I got to be more well-versed in the Bible knowledge. Or least know where Corinthians is placed rather than depending on the contents page. That's my downfall. And the reason why the past songs I wrote will never be used. That's the impression I'm getting.
During the past 2 weeks, due to boredom, I started to reflect on the things I did, both good and bad. And I realised the songs which I wrote, are just looked upon for a moment and passed on. There's nothing much I can do about the songs, other than fish for comments. I'm not like Amy; I can't push the songs up the stage. Not like Eugene either; he gets requests to write songs for occasions and stuff. And it kinda frustrates me. I know the difference between songs one should keep for himself, and songs which can actually be used on-stage. And although I feel a few of my songs can be used in church, I'm not really getting the support which I need to push the songs up. I don't want to do it forcefully. All I need is a "Yes, let's do this song." Unfortunately, I'm not getting that at all.
Of course I understand that it takes years to hone the skills and to allow certain songs to be sung in a church setting. I guess my songs aren't meant to be used in church. At least Wayne and I can use the songs for our own worship and just-for-fun-improvisation.
Don't get me wrong; I'm still trying to write with the help of the Bible. But by the looks of it, I think I'll keep the rest for myself for now. It feels slightly demoralising when you don't have constructive criticism or any follow-up. And when you don't get that for a long period of time, you just stop doing it, because you're tired of it.
