Met up with PJ yesterday evening for dinner AND dessert. Shiaat man. All those bits of weight which I lost thru illness & jogging probably ALL returned back to my already fat body. Had fried yong tau fu, AND a muddy mud pie @ Coffeeclub. Sigh. Now I know where all my excess weight's coming from. PJ's been feeding me ALOT. Haha.
Anyhoo, I felt a lil better after speaking to her. Not that it made me any wiser to come up with a decision. I just felt... less guilty? I don't know. I just felt less stressed. Cause ever since that wholet thing started, I'm quite upset with myself for breaking the pact somehow. SIGH.
PJ said that she thinks it'll be better if I have someone older than me, like... 20 -29, cause I think like a 24. HAHA. How cool. Didn't think my prediction from the past would actually be right. I used to think someone older for a boyfriend would be nice, instead of someone whose age is similar to mine or lesser. AH WELL.
Met up with Eugene @ Starbucks after that whole dinner cum talk. We were trying to plan out the games for NSR, with much difficulty. We were stoning most of the time, and looking at his friend who's working there goofing around with various customers - Gays, lesbians, Ah lians, some guys who said 'fuck' every few seconds. Haha. What a fulfilling night right.
The guys who were sitting nearby were talking abt clubbing just made me feel a bit depressed. Sigh. Yup, Darius was going clubbing. He's a frequent clubber. (Clobber, clubber.. Haha. Sorry, a lil lame. But I'm just trying to cheer myself up. So cut me some slack. ^_^)
It's so weird how things are between the both of us. At this point of time, even I myself can't explain in logical terms what the heck is happening. Maybe I can put whatever's on my mind in point form. It should be easier, I think.
- He has ALOT of friends. Can't rmb most of their names.. There's Ping, Jo, Jo's hot petite girlfriend whom I haven't met, Darius' best friend who's female, Judy, Paul, uh.........Can't rmb any other names. SEE?! I can't rmb their names! Like, there's too many of them; I'm super duper confused.
- His friends are rich. And I'm pretty sure most of them think I'm ugly. Never bothered to ask Darius what his friends think anymore, ever since that incident. Shattered my self-esteem to lowest bottom of the ocean.
- He spends most of time hanging out with friends and spends most of his money when he's with them. Like, I can still rmb when we were still hanging out as friends, we met up almost every 2-3 days with Garrett, Su & Mel. And now, it's totally different. I see him at the VERY most, once/twice a week. Ha. I guess when the status changes, the commitment changes too. The only thing that's good abt this is that I know he's a fantastic friend; Friends before Girlfriend, just like me.
- When we talk on the phone, we don't talk. Ha. Most of the time, it's just... silence. Or he'll start smsing people on his hp, he'll call his friends to talk while I'm still on the line, his friends call him to hang out and he'll put me on hold... Shit like that. OR, he'll start asking me why I'm not talking. Haha. Funny fella la this one.
- He says that he loves me. And this morning, when I called at 6 am (He probably just returned home from clubbing... Surprise surprise.) to check if he's alright, he said it again, in a extremely serious and sober tone. Sigh. I would love to think it's true. BUT, with friends like Mel telling me otherwise, it just hurts me even more. Like, I'm stuck.
- He doesn't want to be friends. It's either a relationship, or we're going to be enemies. Haha. PJ said it's typical of an 18-yr old to say that. :) I can accept that comment, cause it does make sense. But when you're hoping to find some comfort in friends, and they just fire back at you, I get tired of even trying to explain things to them.
Alright, I just spoke to 4 different people on msn. Haha. All the conversations were like.. bullet speed man. Ha. :) At least I'm feeling MUCH MUCH better.
