The moment I started typing this entry, I saw the notice that someone with the nick "so darn emo" came online to msn. How accurate.
I don't know if I'm feeling emo right now. But I'm definitely feeling pretty down.
Feel a lil bad about ps-ing Pert after the whole retreat ended. I could've gone with him to church to help him carry the stuff back. Sms-ed him but I didn't get a reply. Oh wellies.
I feel kinda off-ish hanging out with the people I used to hang out with. Mostly the guys I guess. Girls are fine... I think. Haha. Anyhoo. Maybe I just don't fit in. I'm quite a strange character since young. Like, sometimes I can be uberishly outgoing. And sometimes, I'll just go extremely quiet and seemingly anti-social. I think I gotta fix myself.
Today's retreat was pretty cool. We were fed with food and drinks every 2-3 hours. Team-building activities weren't conventional and boring, which is tremendously fantastic. But I did doze off during Pastor Edmund's sermon at night. I was a lil shagged out already. It has really been a long day. Being challenged by the guest speaker to express my feelings through piano was tough. As in, if I was in the contemporary/youth services, I can do it cause I know no one's looking at me except God. But this time, the speaker put his hands on the keyboard and asked me to it. Like, JUST DO IT. Without any start-up or heads-up, or whatever you call it. But on the whole, learnt a lot about serving and worshipping. I know this will definitely sound freakish to those who aren't christians. I don't blame you guys. I would think that it's weird too if I were one of you. Like Earl said, we may seem freaky to people, but we only care about His opinion. Easier said than done.
Well, it was a long, mentally exhausting, emotional roller-coaster ride. Pretty physically-demanding too, since I had to set up stuff here and there, and take off stuff, and wake up at 6 am in the morning despite talking to Fabian till 2 plus am.
Wanted to tell you this statement that Pastor Rupert mentioned during his session, "God brings us through trials only because He wants us to see how good He really is." Bottomline, trials are good. It's only when man is completely desperate for help, that he turns to God without any qualms. Then when God shows how impossible things become possible, man experiences for himself the REAL power of God. Amazing eh? Yeah, this is kinda beyond human comprehension. Then again, who are we to say that it doesn't make sense. We're only humans; we're not that intelligent, really. We think we are, but we're not.
I think, I'm feeling pretty brood-ish. And sad, for reasons I can't figure out and I won't, cause it drains too much energy out of me. How I wish you were around to just hear me whine and just grunt it out. I mean, I wasn't expecting you to. But definitely looking forward to seeing you as always. Besides, I was around when you were grunting and sighing and wts-ing for the past few days. Not too demanding of me to think that you'd be around, and do the same for me right?
Saying mushy three-word sentences isn't going to help me feel better. You're unconventional. Surely you can think of something more original. Now this time, I don't know if I'm being unreasonable. I mean, asking me the question of uncomfortable-ness again and again won't help either. Like, if I say no, then you'll conclude that I'm lying and I'm still grumpy. If I say yes, then you'll just say, "But you know I won't blah blah blah." Asking me the question is redundant to begin with. What're you going to do, leave those 2 girls and go home straight? I'm pretty sure you wouldn't do that for anything.
It's just unfortunate that when I really need someone to just hear me talk it out, that someone ends up being someone else. Coincidental? I don't know. It happened a few times already. Not that I'm complaining. At least I've someone to be there for me when I do need one, thank God. Whatever it is, I'm just glad I didn't yell at you. I was probably too tired to. Or maybe it's just a sign of resignation.
Oooh well. Churchy tmr. And then another dreadful week. My timetable is crazy. Everything's clashing cause of the stupid tuition kiddos' indecisiveness. I just want this term to be over. And then I can go Aussie. Get a good break. And maybe go to Thailand, with mom. Not that I've plenty of money to waste, but I just want this year to be a good one. At least a better one than the last 20 years I've had.
