Ba rum pum pum pum. (UH... Not sure if the spelling's right. Oh heck.)

Everything generally is looking good. So far.
It's kinda on the other extreme end of happiness as compared as to my down-ness for the past day/s.

But I'm really glad things went pretty alright-ly yesterday.

I want this whole pms thing to be over. Like, maybe some medication will help.

Dear God,

I wish I can actually see the future. So if there are any hurts ahead, I can actually go divert into another path to prevent being knocked out by them.

I trust you. So I'm just going to put this into Your hands. If it's going to turn bad, please just remind me that it'll just make me stronger and wiser in life. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

I feel so lost. I'd hate to be so pessimistic. But that's the way I am. Sorry God. Forgive me.

I got a new name for you.

Dodobird.

Happy?

Why's that woman so random sometimes. Linking my studies results to my sleep. Yep, rub it in. Make it seem I really didn't put in effort at all for my studies. Thanks mom. You're the most amazingly understanding woman I've ever met.

WHAT THE SHIT.

I want to just punch him and walk out of the house with my stuff. Stewpid shitass.

Christmas eve is over! Christmas is here!

Merry christmas too ALL!

Went for a christmas eve dinner gathering @ Lucas'. It was soooo hard to get there. It didn't help that I was in a quite a shitty mood. I think God was making me walk a bit to cool down first before I reach Lucas' place. Made a few new friends. Got a funny buncha people tonight. Thank goodness. Haha. Ate, talked, played drinking games (water/alcohol), played wii and ate a bit more, AND we took loads of pictures. We had three cams, so we took different pictures with all the 3 cams... Which is very cool!

Felt as if I pangsehed Eug they all. But then again, they didn't go simpang. Gabe's house is pretty out of the way. Walking out to civilisation from his house is scary and strenous. Haha. I wished I had that thing Hermoine had in the Prisoner of Azkaban movie; it would definitely reduce my high chances of pissing people off. It felt weird leaving the party halfway, and I haven't seen those friends for quite a while. And on the other hand, the other gabe thingy sounds pretty fun too. Oh well. And Jasper's kind invitation too!

ANYWAY. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE! It's a good day to remember. Everything is supposed to be happy happy on Christmas day... Or so I hope. :)

ARGH!

It's not a matter of making it up. The point is that I'm really pissed off.

Can't believe I actually stayed up till so late. Shouldn't have baked the brownies. Have a feeling they'll probably end up in the dustbin or something.

And I thought Christmas eve was going to be fun. :(

Valuable lesson.

There'll always be someone out there better than you.

You just got to learn how to be self-satisfied to some extent and yet strive for more in a healthy sorta way.

Gosh, life's such a troublesome thing really.

Alright, maybe I'm too tired so I'm a bit random and weird in this entry. Sleeping time!

I'm utterly utterly broke.

Tuition fees don't help much this time around, since I didn't really have the time to tutor the kids this month. And I spent quite a bit of money on some nice stuff. And for granny's chalet too. DAMN.

I think I'll have to live on bread and water. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Then again... I don't think I've that much will to literally do that. If I did, I wouldn't be as fat as how I am right now. Dammit.

She can be a bitchy troublesome confusing person sometimes. Idiotic. And because I'm of a 'lower rank', I have to listen and give in to her never-ending crappiness. And I just realised how fickle-minded and undecisive she is.

Oh well. It's the christmas season now. Must learn how to love anyone and everyone. -_-

3 more days!!!! Alright, it's already past 12. 2 more days. Yay. Can't wait. But I think the meeting for the first time after quite a long period of separation will be pretty awkward. Ah well. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Under attack.

I feel like there's this battle going on in my mind the whole time for the last few days. Been thinking too much about stuff, maybe.

But I feel boring all of a sudden. Like, when I hang out with people one-on-one, I feel like I'm boring the crap out of em. Even in a group, I can hardly find myself to talk much these days. Sigh.

Just prayed that God'll give me the strength to settle this problem. It's really affecting me; I'd feel really down or something out of the blue. Makes matters worse in some occasions.

I wish I was more sociable. I wish I was more simple-minded. I wish I feel happier doing simple things like just walking down an empty but quietly peaceful road. I wish I can just smile at the slightest thing that crosses my path. Cause at this point of time, I don't really like the way I am now.

As much as I appreciate the gift of playing the piano, I wish I can do much more. I don't know how to describe it, but I feel like I can do better.

Maybe recently I feel friendless or something. Like, this sudden inferiority complex thingy pops out of nowhere. Maybe it's the weight issue. Haha. Or maybe it's the studies. SIGH.

I wish I know why I'm acting so weird, so at least I can get rid of the root problem and start acting like a normal person.

9 more days.........

Anyhoo. The Golden Compass was pretty good. Too bad I had to miss Shepherd's pie at Gab's place for that movie. AH WELL.

Piano lessons.

Just spoke to this Alina lady. She sounds nice. Hopefully she isn't as abusive as my past piano teacher. Heh.

YAY!!!! Finally. I'm going to start learning new stuff again. Yippee.

Had swedish meatballs and chicken wings at Ikea last night. I like...

The night ended very funnily. Hopefully Jasper doesn't do it again. HAHA!

These few weeks before Christmas are going pretty well. Been hanging out alot with the church peeps. Hope I can meet Grace and our two boys soon. Wonder if our Cambodia trip is still on. Haha.

It's going to be fun-packed Christmas this year, I hope. Have a chalet thingy coming up this weekend till tuesday with the family people. Drinking party. WOOHOO! But my dad'll be around. So I've a feeling the cousins are going to sneak out to drink somewhere else outside the chalet. Looks like they are preparing quite a collection. Hope I don't do anything stupid in front of them. Or else I'll just die under their humiliation for the next ten years.

Shopping trip with mom, dad and granny's confirmed. We're going Christmas shopping next week. Yay. Then I can get the presents for my friends and friends and friends. And I can get new clothes too. This year's Christmas service has a theme for the onstage people. We've to wear autumn colours. A lil' weird, but at least better than the normal red/green/white/blue/black code. :)

Looks like this Christmas is going to be the best... For now. :)

Monday was FUN.

I went to THE ZOO.

Cool stuff. The weather was mother-horrible though. It really sucks when we didn't have any umbrellas. And it was freakin' freezing. Clement acted as if it was normal though. Weird aussie people. HAHA!

We came across this gig thingy at the Esplanade. A duo using only guitars to play songs from genres like bossa nova and gypsy stuff. They even did a boyzone song "When You Say Nothing At All". Damn old-school. But they were pretty good.

We went to the top-floor to catch some scenery of Singapore.

Tada!

We ended up at the spot where a group of youngsters were filming. Gosh. No lighting. Only a video-recorder with 2 directors and 2 people trying to act like a couple. Now I understand why most Singaporeans can't act. They don't speak well to begin with. Damn. How would an actor sound good with a singlish accent. I was damn close to telling the girl that she should just let another girl replace her. GOSH. ONE simple scene of saying I love you and shit like that and they had so many NGs. Maybe I was just being anal. BUT ANYHOO.

I did promise God that I'll stop bitching about anyone. This bad habit'll take a long time to beat.
Oh yeah, someone prophesied for me on Sunday. Doesn't really answer my question though. Was hoping He'll give me a more direct answer as to whether training is needed before teaching people. Sigh. Directions directions. But oh well, at least I got some kind of clue.

I'm broke. Spent a wee too much for the past few days, especially today and that shopping day. And payweek's only next week. DAMMIT.

SIGH.

I made a terrible mistake today. Dammit. Wish I can find it somewhere else.

Going to the zoo in.... 2 days. YAY! Finally. Asked so so so so many people to go with me. Finally, someone is so so so so nice to go with me. You rock, Clement. Haha.

I was just reflecting on the past year's events like, a few minutes ago. Man, this year really kinda sucked. Made so many bloody mistakes. Wished I could rewind and undo them. Because of these mistakes, they're going to be the banes of my life. Not that I can't try to get over them, but it's hard to when your friends somehow remind you of them.

I just don't understand why the people who aren't even involved in the incidents I went through just enjoy making use of them to 'tease' me. Not funny lor.

Oh yeah. I met Nash at taka just now. I think he saw me. But Eugene kinda helped me to shake him off. I was just trying to walk as far as possible without freaking out. Actually, I was abit stoned for awhile. Fortunately, Eugene shaked me out of it. Thank you, Eug. The last thing I want to happen is that he comes over to me and say hi. I seriously, seriously, want him out of my life. Told PJ and Jasper before, it'll be even better off if he dies or something. Evil of me to say that. But seriously. This shows how much I really hate anything that's related to him; even the mention of his name pisses me off.

Note to self: Learn how to be bo-chap. Don't tahan.

Feel better now!

After breakfast at macs...

And lunch at Swensens...

Concern from some babes...

Everything's fine now. At least the human problem's settled. :)

Now I just got to see what's going to the other lil problem. SIGH.

I want to just go die.

Too much pain to bear.

And my eyes are swollen and wet.

My jaw's hurting for some freakin weird reason.

Oh what the heck.

Ogre-claus.

For those who just can't wait for Christmas to come...

Here's a 20-minute Shrek-The-Halls video clip to enjoy. Heh.

http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_cc00XMTI1ODkyMDA=.html


Roller-blading later w a few church homies. Finally, the start of operation-lose-weight.

Les miserables.

Talking to Jingjing just made me more confused. Not that she's not helping. At least now I realise the full fledge of the pros and cons.

But it's tough to drop the bomb if I have to. And even now, it's hard to pretend everything is alright. In the past, if I was upset, it'll be so obvious, since I always pull a long face all the time. But now, things are different. Circumstances are not the same.

It's either I lower it. Or I break it. Never had a situation where all three sides/options are miserable. At a standstill where I am now, it already hurts like crap. Like, seriously, it hurts.

If only there's a fourth way out of this. It'll definitely be better than the three options I'm offering myself now.

I couldn't sleep (Or you can also say I didn't dare to.) till past 6 am when I could see the slight break of the morning. It's getting tougher and tougher to just switch off the lights and go to sleep. The iPod doesn't help anymore. Humper and Kaw kaw can never let me feel secure and safe as before. I've never felt this affected by it. I wish God can just let me see His angels surrounding me while I sleep in His arms. I wish I wasn't, really. But I'm scared.

I am.

It was a good camp. :)





Soft spot soft spot go away.... :/

Just re-watched The Curse of The Golden Flower.

On mio tv.

And I just woke up around 2-3 hours ago. But I feel shittified. Like, that sick feeling in the stomach. Maybe I'm falling sick.

Oh well. At least Clement's coming back tonight! Supper time. :)

I suddenly had this urge to listen to a chinese song. So got Wang Lee Hom's song. After Ron asked me to find out the title of this song which we heard last night while passing by a music cd shop. Sigh. His voice is soothing. But I need some other form of therapy to feel better. Shopping? Facial? Manicure? Massage? I wish I could do them all. Haha. I wish I was rich enough. Heh.

:(

I feel so disappointed.
Don't even know how to express this in words.

Sigh. Whatever la.

Exams are over.

I feel happy that it's over, really. It's like, a burden off my chest.

But I feel lost. Like, I'm directionless. Sure, I'm in an university pursuing a degree. But there's definitely something more to life than just studying to get a good-paying job to pay for my ever-growing life expenses. Sigh. I don't know. Just wished God will just tell me what the heck is going on right now.

Youth camp just ended. It was pretty fun. Used a dead frozen chicken to play captain's ball. Sadistic, but oh well, it's pretty original. Honestly, I didn't really get to learn much. It's more of me giving for this youth camp. But all in all, I'm glad I went for it.

And I'm super exhausted. Worship-leading tmr somemore. HAHA. Fantastic la.
But this week's been pretty exciting - exams, youth camp blah blah blah.

I'm finally going swimming soon. Hols for now. WOOHOO!!!!