Talking to Jingjing just made me more confused. Not that she's not helping. At least now I realise the full fledge of the pros and cons.
But it's tough to drop the bomb if I have to. And even now, it's hard to pretend everything is alright. In the past, if I was upset, it'll be so obvious, since I always pull a long face all the time. But now, things are different. Circumstances are not the same.
It's either I lower it. Or I break it. Never had a situation where all three sides/options are miserable. At a standstill where I am now, it already hurts like crap. Like, seriously, it hurts.
If only there's a fourth way out of this. It'll definitely be better than the three options I'm offering myself now.
I couldn't sleep (Or you can also say I didn't dare to.) till past 6 am when I could see the slight break of the morning. It's getting tougher and tougher to just switch off the lights and go to sleep. The iPod doesn't help anymore. Humper and Kaw kaw can never let me feel secure and safe as before. I've never felt this affected by it. I wish God can just let me see His angels surrounding me while I sleep in His arms. I wish I wasn't, really. But I'm scared.
